It's ok to want what you don't have

When your uterus aches at the mere sight of a pregnant woman, an ultrasound photo on Facebook brings you to tears, and you can’t bear to attend another baby shower, you’ve got baby envy. The first step to coping is acknowledging it.

If you have been trying to conceive your first, second or even third child and it's not happening, the months can seem like decades and every baby-related thing can have you on edge and in tears at the drop of a hat. It's a grueling process and can take its toll month after month seeing negative pregnancy test after negative pregnancy test. Don't push your feelings aside; it's OK to acknowledge the green-eyed monster every now and again.

These simple tactics will help you keep your emotions in check and embrace your envious feelings:

Find a cycle buddy

Having a friend who is also longing for a baby and has been trying to conceive will not only provide you with the support you need, but allow you to do the same for her. She'll be there to help you realize you are not alone in this journey and you'll do the same for her. You can commiserate with one another the next time each of you has to pretend to be happy when a colleague announces her pregnancy. Beware that your cycle buddy may end up pregnant before you do, but at least she'll understand your disappointment a lot better than others.

Consider unfriending or blocking unwanted posts from Facebook

Facebook is a wonderful way to keep in touch with family and friends across the country and should be used as a form of entertainment. As soon as you begin dreading what pops up in your Facebook timeline, it's time to take control and use the blocking feature until you are feeling stronger.

Don’t beat yourself up

Trying to conceive might take longer than you expected and make you do and think crazy things. Hopefully one day you'll be on the other side of the baby-making spectrum, and because of what you're going through, you'll be sympathetic to those who may be trying to conceive.

More on trying to conceive

What to do when the test is negative
5 Things to know when you're trying to get pregnant
Go to your happy place

Iceland's strict baby name policies

One Icelandic teen is suing her country because the name her mother gave her, Blaer, isn’t on the country’s list of approved names and is considered "masculine" so they changed her name to Stulka — which translates to “Girl” in English.

Here in the United States where baby names like Moxie Crimefighter and Blue Ivy hardly make us bat an eye, it is hard to imagine not being able to name your child whatever you wish. In Iceland, however, parents must choose from an approved list of 1,853 girl names and 1,712 boy names.

Icelandic mother Bjork Eidsdottir named her daughter Blaer, which means “light breeze,“ only later to find out that name wasn’t on the approved list after her child had been baptized. The country of Iceland has since identified 15-year-old Blaer as Stulka, or “Girl,” on all of her official documents, including her passport.

“I had no idea that the name wasn't on the list, the famous list of names that you can choose from,“ said her mother.

Iceland isn’t the only country that has strict baby name rules. Germany and Denmark also require parents to pick from their approved names. Some interesting baby name rules in Iceland require that the name “be adaptable to the structure of the Icelandic language and spelling conventions” and “does not cause the bearer embarrassment.“

In addition, they do not have any unisex baby names and they state that girls cannot be given a boy’s name and vice versa. It sounds like Jessica Simpson’s daughter Maxwell Drew would have been out of luck!

As would Uma Thurman , as “no person can have more than three personal names.” Due to the fact that the letter “C” is not in Iceland’s alphabet, they have also rejected all “C” names, including Carolina and Christa.

In Blaer’s case, NBC news reports that the country didn’t accept it because it “takes a masculine article, despite the fact that it was used for a female character in a novel by Iceland's revered Nobel Prize-winning author Halldor Laxness.”

The 15-year-old teen said she is taking her case to court and is prepared to take it all the way to their Supreme Court if the decision isn’t in her favor on January 25. “So many strange names have been allowed, which makes this even more frustrating because Blaer is a perfectly Icelandic name,“ said the teen's mom. “It seems like a basic human right to be able to name your child what you want, especially if it doesn't harm your child in any way.“

More on baby names

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Should you reserve baby's domain name or Facebook name?

An alarming one in four college students are controlling their weight with unhealthy dieting methods that could lead to serious eating disorders. Your child sees disordered eating habits in her daily life on campus and is probably not sure how to react. Parents need to be prepared to have an open and honest discussion with their college students about what healthy eating looks like and the dangers of disordered eating.

What is disordered eating?

Teenagers are often seen as the worst eaters already — so what qualifies as disordered eating? Self-induced vomiting, regularly skipping meals and excessive exercise are some of the precursors to eating disorders like anorexia, bulimia, binge-eating disorder and other eating-related disorders. Teens often begin a strange food habit or start a new diet, and over time it morphs into a real problem.

Symptoms of someone who is struggling with disordered eating include rapid weight loss or fluctuation, skipping meals, excessive exercising, bingeing and purging . Many who struggle with food issues also suffer from other issues such as depression, anxiety, low self-esteem and self-harming .

Learn about binge eating disorder>>

College students are at risk

Eating disorders typically hit during adolescence or the teen years, with a staggering 90 percent of sufferers being young women between the ages of 12 and 25. Many people who suffer from eating disorders have a distorted view of their body, picturing themselves as obese when they are in fact underweight. The added pressures of college can bring on eating-related disorders in someone who has never experienced problems before.

Holly Fitzhenry, MMFT, is a counselor at Mercy Ministries of America who works with young women to help them overcome eating disorders and/or other life-controlling issues. “In my work with college students I have seen some common threads which may connect those who struggle with disordered eating,” she shares. “I have noticed that oftentimes the young women I have the honor of working with have experienced feeling ‘out of control’ in their lives. As such, the young woman may gain a sense of power and control by controlling her food intake and/or her weight.” The pressures of difficult classes, learning to live away from home, finances and new romantic relationships can very quickly make the college student feel out of control.

How to help when girls feel fat>>

One student’s experience

Katie McKinnis is a graduate of the program at Mercy, and she remembers what it was like for her in college as she dealt with her eating disorder. “I knew that the way I dealt with food was not the norm for what was around me. However, I also knew that there were many other girls that were in the same boat as me,” Katie recalls. “It wasn't hard to tell. If you are in that world, you know all the tricks, secrets and lies, and you can spot the deception a mile away.” She remembers trying to make it seem like she didn’t have any food issues so that everyone would just leave her alone. “I learned how to modify my behavior early on and figured out what I needed to say or do to keep people from asking questions,” she says.

Peers can help

What can students do if they suspect a friend is suffering from disordered eating? “Peers may be a powerful force in encouraging their friends to get help or support,” says Fitzhenry. “Even so, typically some sort of outside intervention is necessary.” Since feeling accepted by our peers is important at any age, teens and young adults who feel they need help may be resistant to reach out due to fear of rejection. “Usually there is some level of secrecy or shame involved with the thoughts this person may be having as well as some of the disordered eating behaviors they may be participating in,” Fitzhenry adds.

Disordered eating can be a life-threatening issue if it goes on for an extended period of time without intervention. Talk to your teens about what behaviors they are observing in their peers and how they can help.

More on parenting college kids

The college student's survival kit
Spring Break safety: Travel tips for teens and college kids
College sex: What parents need to know

Bethenny Frankel

Skinnygirl mogul and talk show host Bethenny Frankel tweeted about the news that she and her husband Jason Hoppy were officially separating. The couple are parents to daughter Bryn who is 2 years old.

“I am heartbroken. I am sad. We will work through this as a family,” she wrote.

“Thank you all so much. You give me so much love, and I am so grateful. It feels like your words could get someone through anything,” she tweeted.

Also on her timeline? “In your 20s you want to party, in your 30s you want to get married, in your 40s you want to sleep.”

File this tweet under, “something I would totally do.”

“I'm that woman who is carrying my child & stuff & I don't realize that my shirt is up & my crack is showing. Very classy,” Frankel wrote.

Kimye baby

Yes, it is true — Kim Kardashian and Kanye West are expecting a baby together. Let the chaos ensue. Her sister, Kourtney Kardashian, was the first of the family to tweet about it:

“Been wanting to shout from the rooftops with joy and now I can! Another angel to welcome to our family. Overwhelmed with excitement!” she tweeted.

Khloe Kardashian, who has been trying for quite some time to get pregnant, tweeted her joy:

“So excited to welcome another little angel into our crazy fam! Congrats Kim & Kanye!!!” she tweeted.

Kim tweeted “New year, new beginnings!” with a link to her website that had the official pregnancy announcement:

“It’s true!! Kanye and I are expecting a baby. We feel so blessed and lucky and wish that in addition to both of our families, his mom and my dad could be here to celebrate this special time with us. Looking forward to great new beginnings in 2013 and to starting a family. Happy New Year!!! Xo

Check out pregnant Kim and Kanye on New Year's Eve here>>

Jennie Garth ‏

Single mom of three with ex-husband Peter Facinelli, Jennie Garth tweeted about her family-filled holiday fun.

“So blessed to celebrate Christmas with my girls. I am so grateful for their love and spirit. Wishing everyone joy and love..Happy Holidays!” tweeted Garth, who recently told Health magazine she lost 30 pounds by working out with a trainer three times a week and eating salads with beets.

“My daughters inspire me - they help out & never give up.Who inspires you?” she later wrote, referring to her daughters Luca Bella, Lola Ray and Fiona Eve.

I’ve called Garth out on this before — she is a hashtag over-user, as evident in the following tweet:

“At the airport for Christmas! #letthisserveasourchristmascardtoall #thankstothenicestrangermanwhotookit #merrychristmas” she tweeted, with a link to a cute picture of her and her girls.

Have fun deciphering that one!

Tori Spelling

“You guys need to hold me to these! #NewYearsResolutions,” Tori Spelling wrote. On her list? To take a family vacation, have more “adults-only” nights out without the kids, drink more water, get organized and fit back into her skinny jeans.

“The ones that scream 'We miss you T!' every time I walk past them stacked and dusty in the corner of my closet,” she wrote about her skinny jeans.

“Never know what’s gonna come out of this guy’s mouth…,” she also tweeted, with a link to a post on her website that explained Liam’s cute quote:

“The other night, after a trip to the bathroom, he said to me, 'Listen Mom… Now that I’m 5, I say ‘I go poo’. 4 year olds say ‘poo poo’… But I’m a big man now so I say ‘poo’!”

From Gwyneth Paltrow to Snooki, check out more funny, sweet and wacky celebrity mom tweets>>

Photos: WENN

The holiday gift-giving season may be over, but that doesn't mean that we are done giving — especially when it comes to our children. Keep in mind that giving gifts, even to kids, can have tax consequences.

Tax consequences of gifts to kids

I don’t know about you but my living room was a mess this holiday season. The floor was covered with toys and games and wrapping paper — remnants of a present spree brought on by friends and family.

But just because something doesn’t come with a bow on top doesn’t mean it’s not a gift. So far as the IRS is concerned, a gift is “[a]ny transfer to an individual, either directly or indirectly, where full consideration is not received in return.” In other words, anything that you give or sell for less than fair market value can be a gift.

This definition matters because gifts — even to children — can have tax consequences. While making a gift generally doesn’t affect the giver’s federal income tax , there may be federal gift and estate tax consequences.

What's considered a taxable gift?

For federal gift and estate tax purposes, the person making the gift is generally responsible for reporting the gift and paying any tax due. The basic rule is that any gift — no matter how big or small — can be considered a taxable gift. It’s easy to think that the gift tax won’t apply to you if you aren’t in the habit of writing big checks but don’t be fooled. Smaller gifts, like the Timex watch you just bought for Christmas or the football jersey you picked up for a birthday present, count toward the total, too. Additionally, consider money for college, funding a trip abroad, handing over the keys to a new car and helping to furnish a home or apartment: It all adds up.

UGMA/UTMA accounts

If you want to make a cash gift to a child now, Uniform Gifts to Minors Act and Uniform Transfers to Minors Act accounts can be a good way to establish a bank or investment account for a child’s benefit. In most cases, those accounts can be funded with any amount of money. Depending on state law, money that is contributed to a UGMA/UTMA account is managed by an adult custodian on behalf of a child until the child is no longer a minor.

Saving for college

A 529 college savings plan is also a good way to invest now for the benefit of a child. Money which is gifted to a 529 college savings plan grows federal income tax free so long as the money, when actually withdrawn, is used for qualified higher education expenses. Plans also offer flexibility: If the child designated on the account decides not to go to college , you can use the account for another member of the family, including children, grandchildren, siblings, spouses, nieces, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins and in-laws. The benefits of 529 plans vary by state and can include income tax benefits.

Trusts

Finally, trusts can be a terrific way to put aside money for the benefit of a child. Trusts don’t have to be funded with millions of dollars; depending on the circumstances, they can be funded with any amount of money during lifetime or funded at the death of a parent or grandparent through a will or designation of beneficiary account . It’s worth noting that you should exercise care when making gifts to trusts since, depending on the terms of the trust, those gifts may not count toward your annual exclusion amount.

We all love to make gifts, especially to our children and grandchildren. Since gift tax rules — and trust laws — can be complicated, and depending on the type of account, can differ from state to state, it’s a good idea to consult with a professional advisor before taking out your checkbook.

More about family finances

11 Tax changes looming in 2013
Tips for adding to your child's college fund
The financial strain of special needs

What a difference a week makes. After months of “will they or won’t they?” — they did. Both houses of Congress passed a tax deal this week and they did so overwhelmingly and in a nonpartisan fashion.

What does it mean
for families

The Senate vote was 89-8 in favor and the House vote was 257-167 in favor. The new tax deal varies quite a bit from what most taxpayers expected under the old law. Here’s what the new tax picture looks like for families in 2013.

Income tax rates

Income tax rates stay put for most taxpayers. The federal income tax rates for 2013 will be the same as last year for most taxpayers: 10 percent, 15 percent, 25 percent, 28 percent, 33 percent and 35 percent. However, taxpayers at the top, defined as individuals with incomes above $400,000 and married couples filing jointly with incomes above $450,000, will see a bump to 39.6 percent.

Alternative Minimum Tax

The Alternative Minimum Tax is now indexed to inflation — permanently. That’s a huge change since, for the last forty years, Congress has scrambled to “patch” the exemption to keep pace with inflation and other increases. Without the fix, nearly half of households with incomes between $75,000 to $100,000 — an estimated 30 million families — would have been subject to the AMT, meaning higher taxes.

Capital gains tax

Capital gains tax and dividend rates stay low. Most taxpayers will pay capital gains at a 15 percent rate with one exception: Taxpayers at the top will see a boost to 20 percent. As with income tax rates, “taxpayers at the top” means $400,000 for individual taxpayers and $450,000 for married couples filing jointly.

Medicare tax

Taxpayers at the top are still subject to the 3.8 percent Medicare tax. That tax was crafted as part of the new health care act, which was not modified as part of the tax deal. That means that unearned income like dividends and interest could be taxed at rates of up to 43.4 percent . Remember that while children subject to the kiddie tax are taxed at their parents’ rates for purposes of the Medicare tax, the normal rules for children’s income still apply, which means that children are not subject to the tax just because their parents might be.

Medicare surtaxes

Another tax which was a part of the new health care act, Medicare surtaxes for high income taxpayers, also remained unchanged. Generally, employees pay into Social Security at a rate of 6.2 percent of income up to the cap and into Medicare at a rate of 2.35 percent for all wages . Under the new law, those taxpayers with wages over the income thresholds are subject to an additional .9 percent Medicare tax.

Payroll tax cut

The payroll tax cut has expired. The payroll tax cut, which reduced payroll tax contributions on the employee side by 2 percent, expired on December 31, 2012, and was not renewed. That means that all families with at least one working parent will now see at least a 2 percent decrease in their take home pay.

Exemptions and deductions

Exemptions and deductions will be limited for high-income families. Generally, as income increases, the ability to claim personal exemptions for dependents and itemized deductions is phased out. Phase-out for those tax breaks will begin at the adjusted gross income of $250,000 for individual filers and $300,000 for married couples filing jointly.

Next up: More tax changes that can affect your family

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Child tax credit

Credits for families with children were extended. Families keep the $1,000 child tax credit for five more years. Also extended for five years? The Earned Income Tax Credit.

Medical deductions

Medical deductions will be harder to claim in 2013. The tax deal did not eliminate changes to the threshold for claiming medical expenses. Beginning in 2013, taxpayers who itemize can only deduct those medical expenses which exceed 10 percent of AGI . That means that fewer families will be able to claim medical expenses, making pretax plans more attractive.

The American Opportunity Tax Credit

A major tax break for education was extended. The American Opportunity Tax Credit for education remains through the tax year 2017.

Above the line deductions

The new law extends a few above the line deductions for taxpayers. Chief among them: The deduction for school teachers out-of-pocket expenses and the tuition and fees deduction for students.

Sales tax deductions

The option to deduct state and local sales taxes in place of state and local income taxes was also extended for a year. That’s a valuable benefit for taxpayers in states like New York, New Jersey and Illinois with relatively high sales tax rates or those in states that have no state income tax, like Texas and Delaware.

Adoption credit

The adoption credit was not only extended, it was made permanent. The amount of the credit will be at least $10,000 and will be indexed for inflation. Unlike previous years, the adoption credit is not refundable, meaning that if the credit exceeds your tax liability, you cannot have the excess credit refunded to you.

Estate and gift tax exemption

The federal estate and gift tax exemption was fixed permanently at $5.12 million with a maximum tax rate of 40 percent. The law also makes permanent the portability piece of the federal estate tax; that allows spouses to share unused exemptions, meaning that a married couple could leave more than $10 million to their family without paying a dollar in federal estate tax.

With all of these changes in store, what should you do? There is no crystal ball. And absolutely no one knows what’s going to happen in 2013. The best advice is to plan for tax laws in place as of today — but stay educated and be flexible.

More about family finances

Talking to your kids about family finances
Tips for adding to your child's college fund
Making gifts to children even after the holidays

As parents, we want only the best for our children and topping the list is a happy, healthy, well-adjusted little person.

Signs your child is happy

We talked to child development experts to learn some simple ways you can tell if your child is happy.

According to Kumari Ghafoor-Davis, MSW, a social worker and a parent coach and founder of Optimistic Expectations and Dr. Fran Walfish, leading child, teen, parent and family psychotherapist and author in Beverly Hills, California, there are simple ways you can tell your child is happy:

• Is your child talkative, affectionate, smiling, playful, joyful, excited and engaged?

• Does your child communicate directly? Ask your child if he is happy. Explore what feels good and what doesn't. What is changeable and what is not. Create a give and take conversation with your child.

• Does your child have friends and get invited on play dates? If they feel accepted by their peers, and even if they aren’t, are they still comfortable with themselves?

• Does your child isolate at home by staying in their room, or do they stay engaged and connected within the family?

• Does your child have regular sleeping and eating patterns? Have there been changes in their sleeping or eating?

• Have you noticed a sudden dip in their school performance and grades? If they are doing well in school, can they express or show you what they enjoy about school.

• Is your child complaining about their life?

Incidentally, these are signs of happiness for parents too.

It's important to remember that no one is happy all of the time. There are times when your child will feel disappointed, sad or angry. As their parent you need to equip your child with coping skills to deal with disappointments and hurts.

Simple ways to ensure you know your child’s concerns:

• Talk to your children. Ask them what upsets them most and what their fears are.

• Acknowledge their fears and hurts. You may have had the same fears yourself, which you can be honest about , but hear them out, listen intuitively and encourage them, using positive words.

• Let your children know that no matter what, you are there for them and will listen and comfort them, with any concern they have.

• Parents should pay attention to children’s moods and how they are coping with school, friends, challenges, triumphs and other social situations, because they can become very important in our children’s lives and can change who they are.

According to Jennifer Little, Ph.D., founder or Parents Teach Kids, a child who is not happy is one who faces many challenges with trepidation and/or fear. Little explains that the child may seem sullen or serious and stern. A unhappy child often has few friends, many fears and poor relationships with authority figures as well as peers. The child could be bullied, or he could be a bully himself. Little says that the unhappy child will often demonstrate aggression, either directly or passively .

Raising a happy child is hard work, but it is something that can be done. As long as you focus on the needs of your child and ensure you are doing all you can to meet them, you will have a healthy and happy child.

More on raising happy kids

6 Reasons healthy kids are happy kids
Raise a truly happy child
Practicing Gratitude: Let's get happy!

The anti-clean kid?

Do you ever wonder why your child doesn't want to shower?

It's time to stop pulling out your hair over his dirty mop and get him to hit those showers — willingly.

It's the end of a long day and you've asked your child to shower umpteen times but he isn't interested at all. You're scratching your own head wondering, how can he not smell what I smell? And why doesn't he want to wash the dirt off? He'll feel so much better. Won't he?

Why doesn't he want to shower or take a bath?

Maybe the answer is as simple as asking him. Have you ever posed this question to your child: Why don't you want to take a shower or a bath? Maybe his answer will be as simple as wanting to switch from one to the other. He may feel he's outgrown the idea of a bath or conversely, maybe he's not taking to the idea of a shower as some children don't like the sensation of water pouring over them. Or perhaps he'd rather shower in the morning versus at night. Find out what's holding your child back from wanting to get clean, then make an agreement with him that he will want to stick to.

6 Ways to raise clean kids>>

Make an agreement

Parenting specialist Bonnie Harris says, "If you have a water-resistant child, sit with the child and discuss the problem you, the parent, are having. After all, this isn't a problem for the child, right?"

"Owning the problem means, I am concerned that you're not getting your body clean. I know you don't care and it's my issue. But as your mother, it is my job to make sure you have good hygiene. So I need your help with my problem. When and how often can I expect you to get clean? I'd like to make some agreements on this, please. Then the negotiation starts until both parent and child can agree on a decision. The process should not stop until both can agree. Then write it down and both sign."

Make showering more fun

What's your child's shower like now? Is it boring? A plain white bar of soap? A two-in-one shampoo with a nondescript label? Try upgrading his shower experience to help him start looking forward to it instead of dreading it.

Take your child to the store and let him pick out new soap, shampoo, conditioner and body wash. Consider the idea of a shower radio. Give him one of those back scrubbers. Maybe he'd like a set of crayons to draw on the wall. You can even grab the crayons and leave him a message that he'll be surprised with next time he steps in. Let him help pick out new towels or a robe to put on after he's done. Hopefully he'll think less about the chore of getting clean and more about how fun the shower can be.

The best bath-time tips and gear for kids>>

You can't do"X" until you shower

Getting your child into the shower each night doesn't have to be exhausting. Tell him that there will be consequences if he doesn't. Parenting coach and author Brandi Davis suggests, "Be clear about the consequence. If they do not get into the shower they cannot move onto the next activity. TV, movie, books before bed. If they run out of time for things that they think are fun, they will rethink their defiance. They will hop in to get to what they want."

More bath-time tips

5 Tricks and toys to make bath time more fun for kids
5 Great bath toys for preschoolers
Soothing bath-time rituals

Happily ever after?

Though all marriages can be trying and stressful — whether you are the parent of a child with special needs or not — it doesn't mean we can't all find our own version of the American Dream.

Living the
American Dream

About half of marriages end in divorce, and for parents of children with special needs, the divorce statistics are even more grim.

On Sunday, December 9, 2012, my parents celebrated their 56th wedding anniversary. If you ask my father about being married to my mother for 56 years, he invariably replies, “They were the best 18 years of my life.” When you’re married 56 years, rule one for survival is a sense of humor.

In those 56 years, my parents lived the proverbial American Dream: 2.5 children ; a home with a white picket fence ; a dog ; a station wagon ; and, what I can only assume was manageable debt.

My dad, an assistant principal at a junior high school was also a well-known New Jersey society band/orchestra leader, and mom, a legal assistant at a law firm begun by her father, managed to put all three kids through college, plus one brother through law school and another brother through medical school.

The modern American Dream

On April 25, 2013, my husband and I will be married nine years. We too, live the media’s version of the American Dream, with a few modern modifications: 2.0 children ; a home with a New England stone wall instead of the picket fence; no dog… yet; a minivan ; and what I can only assume is manageable debt.

Even with the American Dream at our fingertips, the thought of being married for 56 years like my parents is scary.

Don’t misunderstand. My husband, whom I love as much as the day we married, is one of the two most wonderful men on the planet — my dad being the other. He’s incredibly smart, considerate, handsome, empathic, an excellent father, son, brother, uncle and provider. What scares me is the rumored divorce rate for parents of children with special needs.

Eighty percent!

While the national divorce/separation rate for first marriages hovers at 40 to 50 percent, divorce rates for parents of children with autism spectrum disorders specifically, is said to be as high as 80 percent. Eighty percent!

While there is little empirical or epidemiological research on the topic, there are two studies worth citing. In their most simplistic form, the first one from The Journal of Family Psychology, August 2010, entitled, “The relative risk and timing of divorce in families of children with an autism spectrum disorder” concluded: The divorce rate for parents of children with ASD is higher. The second study from Journal of Autism Developmental Disorders, May 2011 entitled, “Relationship Status Among Parents of Children with Autism Spectrum Disorders: A Population-Based Study” concluded: The divorce rate is the same for parents of children with ASD as for parents of neurotypicals. Helpful, no?

Magnification of issues

My husband and I do tend to have different parenting styles: He feels a warm forehead is cause for national alarm; my approach is to simply give fever-reducing medicine, wait and see. He constantly worries if we’re doing enough to further Ethan’s progress; I believe that the 10 different therapies/activities he has each week have more than proven their worth.

While neither scientist nor mathematician , for parents who have children with ASD, the equation is positively Pythagorean Theorem-like: Greater financial/emotional burden + convoluted family dynamic = greater marital strain. Every marriage has strain; the addition of a child with special needs merely magnifies that strain. Still, our children are the lights of our lives, and we wouldn’t change a thing. Stress or no stress.

Save the date

The American Dream is what you make of it. Life holds no guarantees. As I’ve told my husband many times, “We will never get divorced because there is no one on this earth that I would rather infuriate, exasperate or embarrass for the rest of my life than you.” It’s meant in the most loving way possible. In the meantime, is it too early to send out save-the-date invitations for April 25, 2060? That’s the day my 98-year-old husband and I will celebrate our 56th wedding anniversary.

More about autism

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Autism: Let there be light
Autism: That's what friends are for

The debate over the morning-after pill has heated up again. The American Academy of Pediatrics recently recommended that all teen girls be given a prescription for the morning-after pill at their regular physicals.

Physicians recommend advance prescription

Should teens be counseled about emergency contraception in advance of needing it? Does presenting these pills as an option make teens less likely to use birth control?

The morning-after pill is a form of emergency contraception used to prevent unintended pregnancy when a woman has had unprotected sex or experienced a birth control failure. Pregnancy prevention after unprotected sex is possible because conception doesn’t usually happen immediately. According to the Mayo Clinic, morning-after pills do not terminate a pregnancy that has implanted in the uterine wall, but they act to prevent a pregnancy from occurring. This is done by preventing or delaying ovulation, preventing the fertilization of the egg or preventing the implantation of a fertilized egg.

There has been ongoing debate as to whether or not these pills — also referred to as Plan B — should be available to teenagers without a doctor’s prescription. Currently 17-year-olds can get emergency contraception by showing identification at any pharmacy, but teens under 17 need a prescription.

Read why clueless teens are getting pregnant>>

The American Academy of Pediatrics has recommended that all teen girls be given an advance prescription for the pills, and doctors can start talking to patients as young as 10 years old about emergency contraception.

Cora Collette Breuner, M.D., M.P.H. is a professor of pediatrics at the University of Washington School of Medicine and Seattle Children’s Hospital. She is also a member of the American Academy of Pediatrics Committee on Adolescence. We asked her if all teens should be given an advance prescription for the morning-after pill, or only those who are known to be sexually active.

“The advance provision of emergency contraception should ideally be provided to teens before they become sexually active but this is not always possible,” says Dr. Breuner. “We know that unprotected sexual activity may occur in teens at any time — and not necessarily near a time when they will be seeing their health care provider.” Dr. Breuner feels that the pill should most certainly be provided to teens that are already sexually active. According to the AAP Policy Statement on emergency contraception, adolescents are more likely to use emergency contraception if it has been prescribed in advance of need.

Are teens playing it safe, or still taking risks?>>

For parents of teen girls, these recommendations may feel a bit invasive — crossing the line between providing medical care and parenting. Yet as children head into their tween years, their relationship with the pediatrician or family physician changes to reflect their different needs. “All teens should have a conversation with their health care provider about sexuality — as well as other issues including texting while driving, seatbelts, alcohol and depression,” says Dr. Breuner. Opening these lines of communication early can help your teen take better care of herself as a young adult.

Some argue that with increased availability of the morning-after pill, teens will have more unprotected sex — and become sexually active at an earlier age. Dr. Breuner disagrees. “We have no data to suggest that,” she shares, and those who advocate for the prescriptions agree. Sarah Brown, of the nonprofit National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy, says, “Good information, in fact, has a protective effect. What we’ve learned from good research is that talking about these issues helps young people have a plan, understand it and know what they would do.”

Arming your teenager with as much knowledge as possible is the best way to raise a healthy, competent adult. Take the time to speak with your teens about sexual activity often, and keep those lines of communication open.

More on teen sexual behavior

The teens and birth control debate
Teen talk: Does oral sex count?
Discussing sex and birth control with your teen

Kid-friendly DIY cold remedies

natural remedies for kids

Turn to the pantry instead of the pediatrician to soothe your kids' sniffles this season. Experts offer up their all-natural, go-to tips to keep kids cold-free.

Your kids don't always need prescription or OTC medications to get healthy. Next time they get a cold, consider some of the natural alternatives.

Honey has been used as a homemade cough suppressant for centuries, and research from Penn State College of Medicine recently confirmed that “just a small dose of honey given before bedtime provided the greatest improvement of nighttime cough and sleep difficulty in children over 1 year of age compared to DM and no treatment,” according to the National Honey Board.

The organization offers this simple recipe:

Honey soother recipe

Makes 4 servings

Ingredients:

• 3 tea bags chamomile

• 1 cinnamon stick

• 3 cups boiling water
• 1/4 cup honey

Directions
:

1. Place tea bags and cinnamon stick in a 1-quart tea pot.
2. Add boiling water; steep 3 to 5 minutes.
3. Remove cinnamon stick and tea bags; discard.
4. Stir in honey.

Breathe it in! Melanie Angelis, Masters of Science in Complementary Alternative Medicine, specializing in Holistic Nutrition and owner of The Grecian Garden, says, “Essential oils like eucalyptus and lavender also assist with colds, either topically or inhaled.”

Dr. Brian Clement, co-director at Hippocrates Health Institute in Florida suggests mixing 2 tablespoons of apple cider vinegar with 8 to 12 ounces of water to soothe tummies, rid the body of colds and provide a boost of energy .

Clement also suggests using sprouted garlic and onion in a green veggie juice or in salads to cure the flu.

Cheryl Wheeler Duncan, certified nutritionist and mother of two, says, “One of the best ways to support a healthy immunity and help your child fight that dreaded cold is by consuming pumpkin seeds, the highest naturally occurring source of zinc, a powerful immunity booster.”

Annie Hall, certified herbalist and assistant director at the Herbal Academy of New England, says that common culinary herbs in your spice cabinet can be combined to make a powerful all-natural cold remedy “that will have your kids feeling better in no time.”

Kitchen herb tea

Ingredients:

• Herbs like sage , thyme , rosemary , and marjoram
• Garlic
• Ginger
• 4 cups water for boiling

Directions:

1. Measure water into a saucepan and bring to a boil.

2. Gather your herbs, fresh or dried, usually a teaspoon of each per cup is sufficient
.
3. Finely chop herbs and place into a canning jar .
4. If you don’t have a canning jar, another saucepan with a lid will do.
5. 
Pour the just-boiled water over herbs
.
6. Cover your container with a lid or a small ceramic plate .
7. 
Let herbs infuse for at least 20 minutes or until the steam has mostly subsided.
8. 
Strain into a mug, pressing down on herbs with a spoon to squeeze out absorbed water.
9. 
Add fresh lemon and a little sweetener and sip slowly. An adult dosage is one teacupful. Dosage for children 2 to 4 years is three teaspoons; 4 to 7 is one tablespoon and 7 to 11 is two tablespoons.

Giving your child a warm bath with Epsom salts can soothe muscle pain and help her rest. Some research also suggests it can help detoxify the body and increase white blood cell count, according to the Epsom Salt Council.


Dr. Theresa Ramsey, co-founder of the Center for Natural Healing in Arizona and author of Healing 101: A Guide to Creating the Foundation for Complete Wellness, says, "You want to get in front of an illness. As soon as you know you're coming down with an illness and can soak in Epsom salt, the better it will work."

More about kids' health

Protect your family from the flu
Challenges of parenting a child with diabetes
4 Deadliest drugs teens are taking

If you pictured yourself with girls and saw your future filled with hair bows and frilly dresses, but instead were blessed with bow ties and monster trucks, take this advice from real moms on raising men and being the only girl in the all-boys club.

All-Boys Club

Lessons in sensitivity

I grew up with mostly women — a sister, three aunts and a single mom that my world pretty much revolved around. What I’ve learned so far about raising boys is that they play louder, are more inquisitive and more fearless than what I was exposed to growing up with girls. I’ve also learned that they can be sweeter, gentler, more giving and affectionate than I could have ever dreamed of.

While we have our fair share of pillow fights, play wrestling and stunt-man-worthy barrel rolls off of couches in our home… there are also tons of kisses, lots of snuggling and heart-melting acts of kindness that remind me daily that under all of the ruckus, there are fragile, loving little boys.

Bucking societal pressures

From a young age, little girls are coddled and tended to, while little boys are told to suck it up, stop crying and essentially taught to stuff their emotions.

Marie Roker-Jones, founder of Raising Great Men and mom of two boys, says, “Boys are more emotional and sensitive than we think, but they often cover it up because of the pressure to man up.”

Sondra Drahos, parenting educator and founder of Happy Healthy Hip Parenting, says, “I remind my oldest son that boys do actually cry, despite what he's heard. I also encourage him to keep a journal where he can write down his feelings since society discourages boys from sharing. I want him to have a place where he can feel comfortable sharing his feelings without having to tell me if he doesn't want to.”

How raising boys changes you

No doubt, a woman raising boys is forever changed. When I would think about having children, I’d envision raising a little girl, playing dress-up and shopping for everything pink. Now that I’m the only girl in my house, I’ve actually fallen in love with all-things-boy — from skateboarding to Star Wars role-playing, to explaining snails and building Lego space ships.

Cynthia Indelicarto DeGuzman, mom of three boys, relates, "I've realized that I actually love bugs and snakes and I'm not afraid of a little dirt."

Roker-Jones says having boys has made her change how she relates and communicates with them. "I'm more aware of the need to communicate in boy language with my sons; to be clear and concise when speaking to them and not to over-analyze when listening to them."

Advice from the all-boys club

DeGuzman has some advice for moms surrounded by boys: They should enjoy the perks of being the only woman in the house. "I love being the princess in my home. Boys adore their mothers and that's really a great thing."

My advice to new moms of boys is to encourage their sons to express their feelings. Get down on their level, look them in their eyes and really connect with them when they're sharing feelings with you, so they know they can lean on you and that what they're feeling is important. Also, do whatever you can to soak in all of the wonderful qualities that seem to make boys tick — like their relentlessness, their curiosity and their seemingly-endless energy and learn from it. I’m convinced that if I had even half of my sons’ fearlessness, the world would be a better place.

More on boys

Parenting Guru: The difference between boys' and girls' brains
Your teenage son's brain... explained!
Baby boy names - Unique names for a baby boy

If you’ve ever had to get a resistant child to leave a public place without having a complete meltdown or found yourself pulling your hair out over days of unsuccessful potty training, you’ve probably discovered the beauty of offering rewards.

Bribing, rewards and positive reinforcement

To avoid an all-out crisis, are they really bad?

Call it bribing, offering an incentive or simply a way to keep sanity and peace in check. To bribe or not to bribe, that is the question...

Giving in to a child's demands is always a bad idea unless the request is totally reasonable. We love incentives for children. As working adults, our compensation is also based on incentives; annual reviews affect our bonuses or raises, so why not with children? It teaches them responsibility, goal setting and celebrating accomplishments.

Reward, don't bribe

According to Dr. Fran Walfish, leading child, teen, parent and family psychotherapist and author in Beverly Hills, California, rewards are a fine way to motivate children. It's only bribing if you say, "I'll give you this 'if' you do that…"

For instance, it's appropriate to say to your preschooler, "Show Mommy how you can pick up your toys so we can go to the park." Or with an older school-age child you can say, "Show Mom how you can get dressed, eat breakfast and organize your backpack so you can play on the playground before going to school."

Dr. Walfish does not recommend using rewards as incentives for potty training, sleeping through the night or eating. These are body functions that your child needs to learn to master and control. If she gets the idea that the issue is important to you she may withhold your objectives.

Catch them being good

Positive reinforcement could be the key in keeping children happy and well-behaved. Dawn Nichols, creator of the Caught Being Good app says her method uses positive reinforcement on an intermittent schedule, which has been proven to be a powerful motivator. Using Caught Being Good will increase your child's self-esteem, bring focus to the positive, promote desirable behavior and reward good behavior instead of bad. It's easy: "Catch" your child doing something good and ask her to spin for her reward such as a sweet treat, family outing, new toy, etc.

Caught Being Good comes completely ready to go, preset with rewards. Just edit or turn off any you choose not to use and because you can change and add rewards, the app can be used for all ages.

By focusing both parent and child on the positive, Caught Being Good produces effective and dramatic results. Try this app and Nichols believes your parenting will become easier, more enjoyable and more productive.

Show them who is in charge

We talked to Carl Grody, LISW who says "repeated studies have shown that children will make positive choices to earn a reward much more easily than they'll change their behavior based on the threat of discipline. The power struggle that often comes with taking something away or handing out a punishment actually is likely to increase the negative behavior because attention increases behavior." In other words, if you establish who is in charge very early then you won't have as many conflicts or temper tantrums to deal with.

More on negotiating with kids

How to bribe your kids
Avoiding power struggles: Parenting without bribes or threats
Are we bribing our kids?

It's ok to make mistakes

Are you feeling pressure to be the perfect parent? The good news is that you already are perfect — as an imperfect parent.

How many of you are perfect parents? None? Well, how many of you have perfect children? Still none? The real truth is that there are no perfect parents — nor perfect children.

Imperfection is allowed and expected

Why do so many parents act as if there is such a being as the "perfect parent" or "perfect child?" To illustrate, try completing the following sentences.

Just say the first thing that comes to mind:

• A good parent always...
• Good children should...
• As a parent, I must...
• My children ought to be more...
• If I were more like my own parents, I would be more...

If a parent falls short of these standards, they are left with the belief that he or she is a "bad" parent. These beliefs are responsible for why parents feel so out-of-control and powerless in their parenting roles. Parents need more realistic beliefs about parenting.

Realistic beliefs about parenting

Beliefs are expressions of parents' values about themselves, other people and the world. Unrealistic beliefs create a feeling of demand that pushes and drives parents unnecessarily, where realistic beliefs create a feeling of inner stability — even when circumstances aren't always stable.

One way to create more realistic beliefs is to evaluate the evidence for your unrealistic thoughts about parenting. Ask yourself these questions: What law states that a child will always listen and be respectful? What evidence really suggests that all parents must be available to their children at all times? What edict states that I must be perfect?

Make a parenting plan

For one day, make a list of all the negative thoughts that come to mind as you go about your parenting duties. At the end of the day, look over the list and write out alternative, positive counter-thoughts. Whenever the negative thoughts come up, immediate state the alternative thought to break its power over you.

If it is too hard to remember them all, pick one or two of the negative thoughts that create the most interference in your parenting and counter those only. Do that for about a week and then move down the list to the others.

Changing what you say about your parenting will change how you feel about your parenting. Try this experiment: Complete the following incomplete sentences and notice the emotional difference between these and the first list.

• A responsible parent always...
• Good children sometimes...
• As a parent, I can be...
• I desire my children to be more...
• If I were like my own parents, the positive qualities I would like to have...

Only one word was changed in each of these sentences, yet it dramatically changes how you think and feel. If you are going to accept the fact that you are imperfect then you will have to eliminate "perfection" language from your thoughts and words. You will need to accept the fact that you are acting "good enough." This doesn't mean that you shouldn't strive for more out of yourselves or your child. Self improvement is not the same as expecting perfection.

The courage to be imperfect

It takes courage to be a "good enough" parent. This is what the child psychiatrist, Rudolph Driekurs, calls "the courage to be imperfect." While there are plenty of perfect parenting standards to fail short of, there are no rules for how to be an imperfect parent.

Here are 10 un-commandments for developing the "courage to be imperfect."

1. Children should be encouraged, not expected, to seek perfection.
2. Accept who you are rather than try to be more than or as good as other parents.
3. Mistakes are aids to learning. Mistakes are not signs of failure. Anticipating or fearing mistakes will make us more vulnerable to failure.
4. Mistakes are unavoidable and are less important than what the parent does after he or she makes a mistake.
5. Set realistic standards for yourself and your child. Don't try correcting or changing too many things at one time.
6. Develop a sense of your strengths and your weaknesses.
7. Mutual respect, between parent and child, starts by valuing yourself. Recognize your own dignity and worth before you try and show your child their dignity and worth.
8. Unhappy parents are frequently discouraged, competitive, unrealistic in their standard for themselves and their children, over ambitious and unbalanced in their love and limits.
9. High standards and expectations are frequently related to parent's feelings of inferiority and lack of adequate parenting resources.
10. Parents need to develop the courage to cope with the challenges of living, which means, they must develop the "courage to be imperfect."

More on parenting

Parenting resources we love
Peaceful parenting
What is "clean" parenting, anyway?

Spotlighting differences

Do we need Down syndrome dolls?

For centuries, children have played with dolls that continue to take on more detailed, sophisticated appearances. But do “Down syndrome dolls” go too far?

Even in a down economy, dolls are big business.

In fact, American Girl, known for its customized dolls, sold more than $246 million worth of dolls, books, clothing and accessories in just its first three fiscal quarters in 2012.

As toy companies continue to offer more tailored selections, several now offer “Down syndrome dolls,” or rather, a doll that has the physical characteristics of a child with Down syndrome .

The idea isn't isolated. After all, American Girl dolls now can be fitted with hearing aids, designed without hair and accessorized with wheelchairs or leg casts.

But is the push to help children find dolls that “look like me” spotlighting differences negatively?

While advocating for individuals with Down syndrome , the National Down syndrome Society emphasizes “the importance of focusing on similarities versus differences in appearance,” explains Julie Cevallos, the organization’s vice president of marketing.

Products and advertisements can help promote diversity by including “all types of children and adults,” Cevallos says. “We look forward to a day when including people with Down syndrome is more commonplace and isn't such news that it makes the front of People magazine.”

“I like the idea of a doll but I have not seen one that is half as cute as my Cooper,” says Larissa, whose son has Ds.

Melissa has biracial children and agrees the concept is sound. “It took years for black dolls and bi-racial dolls to become the norm,” she explains. “Everyone needs something they can relate to.”

Karen isn’t a mom but feels strongly that while — again — the concept is “a wonderful idea... I don't know if this is the right approach… a doll that looks like someone children might meet is more important than a doll that looks like them.”

Sara asks, “Why can't we just buy typical dolls, and if ours happens to have Ds so be it? Dolls… can be whatever our kids' imaginations want them to be.”

Larina dismisses the notion the dolls are beneficial. “Those dolls can't raise awareness of anything except the fact that our children have different features… I don't mind explaining to [my daughter] someday that she has different and beautiful features... and that there are not many people with [Ds] so they don't make dolls who have it. That shouldn't crush her for life.”

Sandy’s daughter has Ds. “I am looking forward to the day where my daughter will be looked at the same as any other person and not considered different just by the way she looks. I will never buy such ‘toys’ that highlight differences rather than encouraging similarities .”

Terri shares a story of good intentions backfiring.

When her daughter was about a year old, her mother-in-law bought her a Cabbage Patch Kid. “She searched high and low for one with glasses because she knew that many kids with Ds have glasses. Well, guess what, [my daughter] is almost eight and still no glasses... I am not in favor of going for the stereotype doll.”

The Pattycake Doll Company offers a variety of dolls with diverse ethnicities and those with special needs, from wheelchairs and crutches to characteristics of children with Down syndrome.

The company has received criticism for its focus on providing dolls with spotlighted, diverse characteristics.

In an open letter to customers, the Pattycake Doll Company wrote, “It seems as we move further into the 21st century, that it becomes harder and harder to stay 'politically correct.' … Very rarely, we get a complaint. The doll is not 'Asian' enough… The description is 'demeaning,' 'ignorant' or both! People 'will be,' or already are 'offended' by our copy, our descriptions etc.

The company admonishes those critics: “Please; these are sacks of cloth with stuffing inside them. They are toys for children, not our personal opinions of what real children look like… We have never received a doll back from a child; nor have we received one back from a parent with the reason being 'my child didn't like your doll.'

“You see, children love dolls unconditionally. It's the adults who quibble.”

More about special needs

Online resources for children with special needs
Birth announcements for children with special needs
How to talk to your child’s peers about Down syndrome

Spoiled kids often develop into self-absorbed adults with a lack of self-control and a major sense of entitlement. No matter if your children are toddlers or teens, it isn't too late to stop spoiling them.

Stop raising brats

We've all heard the phrase "spoiled rotten" and, unfortunately, it's true for many kids around the country. When parents coddle and spoil their children, the kids often become self-centered, rude and demanding. And these traits don't go away easily — they can stay with them throughout their lives.

As parents, it's natural to want to give your children everything you can. After all, we want them to be happy. And most of the time, children equate fun toys and activities with happiness. In some cases, parents also feel that they don't have enough time to parent their children, so their answer is to shower them with gifts and other things they want. However, spoiled children grow up expecting everything to be handed to them on a silver platter and the reality is that — unless you are extremely wealthy — your kids will eventually have to work hard and "play nice" with others in order to get what they want as adults.

"Don't get caught up in the falsehood that giving your children everything equates to love," says former criminal prosecutor Loni Coombs. Coombs is a television host, legal commentator and regular contributor to TV shows like Dr. Phil, The Doctors and Dr. Drew. She is also the author of "You’re Perfect…" and Other Lies Parents Tell: The Ugly Truth About Spoiling Your Kids .

"When you hand your child everything, they grow up with the misconception that they can and should be given things for the rest of their lives — perfect scores, the most expensive car, a management position as their first job. This sense of self-entitlement sets your child up for a lifetime of disappointment and confusion. Instead, teach your children to be self-sufficient."

Are you raising a spoiled brat?>>

A strong work ethic is important for adults and for children. It helps build self-esteem and confidence in their strengths and abilities.

"Instill in them the belief and the ability to get what they want by setting goals, being creative and working hard," says Coombs.

"Support your child with encouragement and recognition of their focus and persistence. When a child realizes that they have the power within themselves to accomplish whatever they desire, their confidence grows and they feel the freedom of independence. It is also a great gift to teach your child that they will survive if they don't get everything they desire. Learning to do without develops coping mechanisms that foster maturity. Redirect your focus and move forward! My mother used to say, 'Tell me what you want, and I'll tell you how to do without it.'"

Children thrive on consistency and structure. From a young age, they should understand the rules and expectations of everyone living in your home. And they should also know the consequences of breaking the rules. We certainly aren't advocating any type of corporal punishment, but rather a natural set of consequences for those who don't abide by the values and rules of the household. Don't ever make empty threats. If your child knows you won't follow through on the consequences, he'll continue to break the rules. Eventually, they'll see you as a pushover and the child will be the one in family with all the power.

Believe it or not, your kids want boundaries and structure. When children don't have limits, it's difficult for them to grow emotionally. They develop a sense of entitlement and become bratty and selfish. When their spoiled behavior continues to be left unchecked, it can cause confrontation and/or rejection by peers in the classroom, as well as on sports teams, play dates and other group events. Bratty kids don't like being brats — they end up being alone.

Give and get respect

It's critical to always show your children — and everyone else around you — respect.

"Respect, like most behaviors, is best taught by modeling," explains Coombs. "A parent can show even a young child respect by the tone of their voice, by taking time to listen, and by disciplining with firm consistency rather than out of anger or frustration. Communication styles are one of the easiest areas to show respect, or a lack of respect. Avoid TV shows where the young kids sass, yell and talk back to the adults. And just as important, avoid using criticism or constant negative judgments when talking to your kids. When disciplining your child, resist using embarrassment or humiliation. Such techniques, while attention-grabbing, can greatly damage the bond of mutual respect."

"Helicopter parenting" is when parents are always hovering over their children — interfering and micromanaging every single aspect of their kids' lives. Of course we all have the innate instinct to want to protect our children, but helicopter parenting can be very detrimental. We need to allow our children to face challenges, make their own decisions and, yes, sometimes fail. This parenting style can cause children to become spoiled, self-absorbed and far too dependent on their parents as they reach young adulthood. Avoid helicopter parenting and allow your children to spread their wings, problem-solve and eventually thrive on their own.

How to stop the propeller of helicopter parenting>>

Coombs feels that children who are coddled by their parents tend to grow up to be unhealthy, self-absorbed adults who are often in trouble with their finances, drugs and alcohol, and even the law.

"Many parents want to show their love for their children by indulging them with constant praise, rewards and material desires," explains Coombs. "The danger in this style of parenting is that it robs our children of experiencing 'hot emotions' — frustration, failure, rejection, being told 'no', facing consequences. If we shelter our kids from these challenges, they never learn how to handle them. They miss out on developing self-control.

"Why is this so critical? Because kids who don't develop self-control turn into adults who have more health issues, are more susceptible to drug and alcohol addictions, have more difficulty maintaining relationships and financial stability, and are more likely to run into trouble with the law. I'm guessing that isn't quite the future you envisioned for your child[ren] as you smothered them with endless adulation, telling them they could do no wrong. There are healthier ways to express your love to your children, besides spoiling and coddling them, that will put them on the path to a happy and productive adult life."

Just because you stop spoiling your children doesn't mean you need to become a strict disciplinarian who never praises or rewards your kids. It just means that you shouldn't cater to their every whim, and you should instill in them a strong set of values. You want your child to grow up to be a sensitive, giving, moral individual who is also ambitious, creative, hard-working and successful.

Coombs' book teaches parents how to build a child’s “mental moral core” and offers parents real-world solutions for rectifying the “Me” generation’s woeful lack of empathy. It also explains how to instill in your child a desire to achieve and succeed and provides specific techniques for how to really connect with your child.

More about raising kids

Raising a sensitive child
Parenting a daredevil
Skip the sass

Parenting takes a crazy turn when your child becomes a tween. When Jada Pinkett Smith’s 12-year-old daughter Willow decided to shave off her previously full head of hair, her mother didn’t think twice.

Star takes to Facebook to defend her choices

Critics have blasted Jada Pinkett Smith, claiming she is too lenient of a parent. Is she too relaxed, or is she onto something we could all learn from?

Pinkett Smith has been accused of having a somewhat liberal approach to parenting. She and her husband, actor Will Smith, are parents to a son Jaden and daughter Willow . Raising children to think for themselves and make competent decisions is one of the toughest things a parent can do. Stepping back and letting them make choices is important — but how far is too far?

Hair today, gone tomorrow

Willow Smith — possibly best known for her hit video and song “I Whip My Hair Back and Forth” — made the decision in February 2012 to shave off most of her hair. The result was a backlash against her mother in the parenting community for letting her make such a bold decision about her appearance. This led Pinkett Smith to defend her parenting style on her Facebook fan page.

“The question why I would let Willow cut her hair, first the let must be challenged,” says Pinkett Smith. “This is a world where women [and] girls are constantly reminded that they don't belong to themselves — that their bodies are not their own, nor their power or self-determination. I made a promise to endow my little girl with the power to always know that her body, spirit and her mind are her domain."

Your low self-esteem may be hurting your daughter >>

Raising girls with confidence

Parents of tween and teen girls have the difficult task of building their daughter’s self-esteem in a culture that is bound by specific measures of beauty. Young girls see media images of long hair, large breasts, flat tummies and long legs and feel pressure to measure up. According to the NYU Child Study Center, starting in the preteen years girls shift their focus to their appearance — which then becomes an all-consuming measure of worth. For many girls, self-esteem becomes too closely tied to how their bodies look, not what they are capable of doing.

The belief that young girls should be in charge of their own bodies is at the core of this parenting decision. In an interview with Parade magazine, Will Smith discussed his take on his daughter’s decision to shave her head.

“When you have a little girl, it’s like how can you teach her that you're in control of her body? She can't cut my hair but that's her hair,” he shares. “She has got to have command of her body.”

Her mother echoed the same sentiments in her Facebook fan page message. “Willow cut her hair because her beauty, her value, her worth is not measured by the length of her hair. It's also a statement that claims that even little girls have the right to own themselves and should not be a slave to even their mother's deepest insecurities, hopes and desires.”

Permissive parenting under fire

So is this parenting style really too permissive, or are they onto something? Linda Sonna, Ph.D. is the author of The Everything Tween Book: A Parent’s Guide to Surviving the Turbulent Pre-Teen Years. “Parents who rely on this approach [permissive parenting] are friends to their children,” Sonna shares. “They trust them to make good decisions and believe that children need freedom and autonomy in order to flourish. An advantage of this approach is that the high level of parental acceptance promotes emotional closeness. A disadvantage,” she adds, ”is that some children have difficulty with the lack of clear structure and direction.”

Tweens and teens need to build the confidence to make decisions on their own. As long as their decisions are not causing harm or breaking any laws, step back and let them try. They are well on their way to becoming competent young adults one day.

Image credit: WENN

More on parenting tweens and teens

Teen girls and binge drinking: A dangerous mix
Desperate to make the cut
Parents be aware: Dangerous teen trends

Best blogging conferences

There are mom blogs, food blogs, lifestyle blogs and so many more... and for every blogger, there is a conference perfect for the genre. When are the conferences in 2013 and who are they best for?

Conferences for
every mom who blogs

There are so many conferences for bloggers in 2013. Here are a few of the biggest and best ones coming up that have been announced so far.

Type-A Parent Conference

When: September 27-29, 2013

Where: Atlanta, Georgia

For Who? Now in its fifth year, the Type-A Parent Conference is intended for parent bloggers — both moms and dads. It tackles topics including networking, branding, finding and developing your voice and getting paid for your efforts. There are also opportunities to connect with brands.

Cost: $297

Type-A Advanced

When: April 20, 2013

Where: Philadelphia, Pennsylvania

For Who? This new conference is an offspring of the Type-A Parent Conference and is perfect for bloggers who are ready to take their work to the next level. The focus of the inaugural Type-A Advanced in Philadelphia will be profit, and the in-depth sessions will really hone in on that theme.

Cost: $147

BlogHer Conference

When: July 25-27, 2013

Where: Chicago, Illinois

For Who? BlogHer is the mother of all blogging conferences. It's big. It has many attendees. And it has many tracks and sessions. The Expo Hall is huge, featuring top brands. This conference is best for bloggers who are in the early to intermediate level and are looking to explore what's next and what's worked for other bloggers.

Cost: $398

BlogHer Food

When: June 7-8, 2013

Where: Austin, Texas

For Who? BlogHer Food is a niche-specific conference all about food, food blogging and related subjects. Panels will cover topics relating to food photography, videography, writing and storytelling, as well as associated topics like knife skills.

Cost: $398

Learn more about FitBloggin' founder Roni Noone>>

Photo credits: NMX - BlogWorld and TBEX Events; Type-A Parent/Type-A Advanced - Heather Durdil; BlogHer - Sarah W. Caron

More on blogging

Balancing work and motherhood
The hidden dangers of blogging
Our favorite mom blogs of 2012

Technology can certainly be convenient, but it can also be a distraction too. Don't let cell phones, computers and other electronic devices put a dent in family bonding time.

Does your family
need a tech time-out?

Unfortunately in many families, parents and children are becoming more disconnected from each other recently than in years past due to calls, texts, emails, social media, video games and other technology.

With children being given cell phones and other electronics at younger and younger ages, family life has changed for many people. Don't drift apart from your kids due to too much technology. Follow these seven tips and learn how to stay connected as a family in this digital age.

Set a good example

Kids watch their parents and model their behavior. Parents should leave the room for long calls, texts and emails. Otherwise, kids will think that taking calls and sending texts at any time is normal and acceptable. When you’re with your children, be present in their presence.

Communicate with your kids

Speaking with your children undistracted and one-on-one is the best form of communication. You will learn more about what's happening in their lives, understand their feelings and, above all, keep the personal lines of communication open.

Create limits

To have more peace and quiet, and family bonding time in your home, you should have a "cell phones off" rule in your house after a certain hour. Give all of your important contacts your home phone number in case there’s an emergency.

Monitor usage

All parents should monitor the communication devices utilized by their children. While your kids can certainly learn things by using the internet, they can also waste a lot of time.

Leave games behind

As a rule, leave handheld video games at home. Also avoid checking your email and messages on your smartphone during family time. While out as a family, you should be bonding in-person and making eye contact with your children. With too much technology around, both parents and kids get distracted, leading to conversations consisting of short answers and a lack of attention.

Read every day

With so much technology available, reading can get lost in the shuffle in any household. Make it a point that your children spend some time reading at home every day.

Keep things interesting

Oftentimes kids are driven to technological devices out of boredom, so create interesting pastimes for you to do as a family. Research about local activities in your own community and nearby areas, and then make it a point to go there and enjoy them as a family.

Technology and kids

5 Reasons why your kids should have cell phones
Mom vs. Dad: Technology and your kids
Is childhood depression caused by technology?

Toys for every age

When shopping for toys for your children, look for items that aren't just age-appropriate and entertaining but also toys that will bolster their development and inspire their imagination and creativity.

Toys that teach

Based on child development research, the following guide will help in your selection of toys for various age groups. Some playthings are recommended for more than one age category, as children of different ages often enjoy the same toy, each playing with it at his or her own level.

Are you looking for developmentally appropriate toys for your child? There are certain milestones your kiddo is meeting as she ages and you will want to choose toys that help her grow socially as well as physically. We've broken down the recommendations based on your child's age and what she is doing at this point in her life. These types of toys will help entertain her the most — and help her develop.

Birth to 6 months old

Abilities and interests

Experts agree that even babies benefit from toys. Infants use their senses to learn about their world. For the first few months of life, babies are unable to grasp objects with their hands, but enjoy exploring with their ears and eyes. Therefore, toys that make noise or feature high-contrast, black-and-white or brightly colored images are especially appealing to newborns and young infants. Once infants can reach for objects, they enjoy toys that are textured and safe for mouthing. Remember, to avoid dangerous entanglement, toys never should be hung or attached to a crib, playpen, stroller, infant seat or around a child's neck with elastic, string or ribbon.

Toy suggestions

• Crib gyms*
• Floor gyms
• Activity quilts
• Mobiles*
• Safety mirrors
• Teething toys
• Large, interlocking rings or keys
• Cloth toys
• Soft dolls
• Stuffed animals
• Musical and chime toys
• Rattles

* Remove when baby is 5 months old or is able to push up on hands and knees.

6 months to 1 year old

Abilities and interests

In the second half of the first year, infants master the motor skills that enable them to play with toys in new and exciting ways. When babies can sit up, they enjoy playthings they can manipulate — to bang, drop, stack up, put in and take out, and open and shut. Once they can crawl, "cruise" and walk, they enjoy things that move along with them. Toys that show cause and effect are also thrilling at this age.

Toy suggestions

• Balls
• Push-pull toys
• Busy boxes
• Nesting and stacking toys
• Simple shape sorters
• Pop-up toys
• Soft blocks
• Bath toys
• Teething toys
• Large, interlocking rings or keys
• Soft dolls
• Stuffed animals
• Simple musical instruments
• Rattles
• Squeeze/squeak toys
• Cloth and cardboard picture books

1 year to 2 years old

Abilities and interests

In the second year of life, children are explorers. Fueled by curiosity and wonder, toddlers also possess the physical skills that make it easy for them to play and learn. A busy toddler needs toys for physical play — walking, climbing, pushing and riding — and ones that encourage experimentation and manipulation. At this age, children imitate adults and enjoy props that help them master life skills.

Toy suggestions

• Balls
• Push-pull toys
• Ride-on toys
• Wagons
• Backyard gym equipment
• Nesting and stacking toys
• Simple shape sorters
• Pop-up toys
• Blocks
• Bath toys
• Sandbox/sand toys
• Wading pool/water toys
• Puzzles with knobs
• Stuffed animals
• Dolls and baby gear
• Play vehicles
• Kitchen equipment and gadgets
• Play household items
• Playhouse
• Child-sized table and chairs
• Non-toxic art supplies
• Musical instruments
• Cardboard picture books, pop-up books

Next page: Toys for ages 3 to 9

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2 to 3 years old

Abilities and interests

Older toddlers love testing their physical skills — jumping, climbing, and throwing — and enjoy toys for active play. This age group also possesses good hand and finger coordination and enjoys putting these skills to work with basic arts and crafts, puppets, blocks and simple puzzles. Imaginative play also begins in the third year.

Toy suggestions

• Balls
• Backyard gym equipment
• Building blocks and building systems
• Blocks with letters and numbers
• Wading pool/water toys
• Puzzles with knobs
• Dolls that can be bathed, fed and diapered
• Dress-up clothes and accessories
• Hand and finger puppets
• Kitchen equipment and gadgets
• Play household items
• Non-toxic art supplies
• Child-sized table and chairs
• Play scenes with figures and accessories
• Sandbox/sand toys
• Tricycle and helmet
• Play vehicles
• Wagon
• Shape sorters
• Playhouse
• Storybooks
• Stuffed animals

Your 3-year-old's development and behavior>>

3 to 6 years old

"Making believe and pretending are among the wonders of the experience of being human."
— Dorothy G. Singer, Ed.D., authority on early childhood education

Abilities and interests

After the age of 3, children begin to play actively with each other. Preschoolers and kindergartners are masters of make-believe. They like to act out grown-up roles and enjoy costumes and props to help them bring their imaginations to life. It is quite common for children this age to develop strong attachments to favorite toys, expressing feelings to a special doll or teddy bear. Materials for arts and crafts are also popular with this age group, as they enjoy creating things with their hands.

Toy suggestions

• Tricycle and helmet
• Bicycle and helmet
• Backyard gym equipment
• Construction toys
• Lacing and threading sets
• Puzzles
• Stuffed animals
• Dolls and doll clothes
• Dress-up clothes and accessories
• Props for make-believe play
• Play vehicles
• Hand and finger puppets
• Play scenes with figures and accessories
• Tape player and tapes
• Non-toxic art supplies
• Simple board games; word and matching games
• Storybooks

6 to 9 years old

Abilities and interests

School-age children enjoy play that requires strategy and skill. Board games, tabletop sports and classic toys like marbles and kites are favorites. Grade-schoolers also enjoy exploring different kinds of grown-up worlds and like fashion and career dolls and action figures. Children this age seek out new information and experiences through play and enjoy science, craft and magic kits. In addition, this age group possesses the physical skills and coordination to enjoy junior versions of adult sporting equipment.

Toy suggestions

• Complex gym equipment
• Bicycle and helmet
• Ice or roller skates/roller blades and protective gear
• Sporting equipment and protective gear
• Simple swimming equipment
• Stilts
• Pogo sticks
• Jump ropes
• Construction toys
• Jigsaw puzzles, including three-dimensional puzzles
• Fashion/career dolls
• Puppets, marionettes and theaters
• Doll houses and furnishings
• Action figures
• Paper dolls
• Science sets
• Model kits
• Craft kits
• Magic sets
• Art supplies
• Tabletop sports
• Video games
• Electronic games
• Board games
• Tape player and tapes
• Books

9 to 12 years old

Abilities and interests

Pre-teens begin to develop hobbies and life-long interests and enjoy crafts, model kits, magic sets, advanced construction sets, science kits and sophisticated jigsaw puzzles. Active play finds its expression in team sports. Painting, sculpting, ceramics and other art projects continue to be of interest.

Toy suggestions

• Sports equipment and protective gear
• Bicycle and helmet
• Ice or roller skates/in-line skates and protective gear
• Advanced construction sets
• Jigsaw puzzles, including three-dimensional puzzles
• Puppets, marionettes and theaters
• Remote control vehicles
• Model kits
• Science kits
• Magic sets
• Craft and handiwork kits
• Art supplies
• Playing cards
• Board games
• Chess, checkers, dominoes and other strategy games
• Tabletop sports
• Video games
• Electronic games
• Electric trains
• Musical instruments
• Books

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