What no one tells you

There are countless things that no one tells you before you have children, lest they scare you away from having any of your own.

Just how tired you’ll be with a new baby, how many times you’ll actually have to change your child’s diaper, how they can fight naps like a pro and how they’ll push you to the point of saying those phrases you heard your own parents say and swore you never would are high on the list of secrets other parents keep from you.

What you need to know about the importance of the bedtime routine >>

The biggest secret of all

But the biggest secret, the one that you can never even begin to imagine as you walk around, happily rubbing your pregnant belly dreaming of the future, is that there will be afternoons and evenings when your kids’ bedtime just cannot come soon enough.

Not because you long to read Goodnight Moon or Fancy Nancy for the zillionth time, but because you ran out of patience and energy somewhere over the course of the day.

I’m convinced that all parents love bedtime. I’ve yet to meet one who doesn’t.

By the time my husband and I have corralled the kids upstairs and handed out vitamins, flossed and brushed teeth, found jammies that get the nod of approval, and laid in bed reading their bedtime stories, there are nights when all I can think of is those quiet moments that await us when we get back downstairs.

Sweet, peaceful, childfree adult time.

Bedtime pleas

But lately, my daughter has been trying to drag bedtime out.

Perhaps it’s because since she started all-day kindergarten this fall and our time together feels so limited or perhaps she’s just finally figured out that it’s within her power to drag things out.

I’m trying to convince myself that it's the former.

It wasn't so long ago that she had her first day of kindergarten >>

Echoes of childhood

And while I’m pretty resilient to most of her tactics, she stops me dead in my tracks with 13 simple words: “Will you lay with me and scratch my back for a few minutes?”

In an instant, I’m 5 years old again, asking the same thing of my mother. And, while I suspect that her desire to make her way back downstairs to enjoy the quiet was no less powerful than what I often feel, she never said no.

She laid with me, there in the quiet darkness, and gave me five minutes of her evening. And I still remember how it felt. Laying there on my stomach, feeling her nails on my back and knowing that I was important enough to her for her to linger for those extra moments said more than any words ever could.

Those five minutes each night added up to a memory that has lasted into my adulthood and influenced me to be the mother I am today and I am so grateful to her.

Because I know first-hand just how much thoughts of bedtime can often fuel you through the end of a long day.

Thank you, Mom, so very much.

More on bonding with your children

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Is there a specific age where kids should be discouraged from trick-or-treating on Halloween, or do you judge by the size of the child? We discuss trick-or-treating age with parents to see where they draw the candy collecting line.

When to put the candy bag down

Some trick-or-treaters may set your teeth on edge when they approach your door on Halloween. Should candy be relegated to little kids, and are teenagers really too old to trick-or-treat? We polled moms to see if they open their candy bowls to trick-or-treaters of any age.

Teen years

Some moms were fine with trick-or-treaters, as long as they were not yet teenagers. “I would say that once they enter high school , they are too old for it,” shared Kelly, mother of two. “I think at that point, they should have a party or something where they can dress up with their friends.”

Brigetta, mother of three, agrees. “We have teenagers come to our door in daily clothes,” she said. “I tell them politely that trick-or-treating is for the younger children and that I am sorry. If they are with a group I do always treat. I guess it just annoys me that if you can drive you shouldn’t be trick-or-treating!”

Anyone is game, as long as they’re in costume!

Other moms didn’t feel that there should be an arbitrary age limit. “If they are in costume, they can trick-or-treat at my house,” said Jolene, mom of three. “I don't see a need for an age limit. I have groups of teenagers come to my house and they are respectful of the little ones. It is good, clean, safe fun.”

“My sister-in-law goes trick-or-treating still,” Rachel, mom of one, shared with us. “She's 20 and dresses up in legit awesome costumes and goes with a few friends. She loves it. I think it's adorable. She reminds me of a little kid on Halloween. I don't think you're ever too old as long as your heart is in it.”

What moms don’t like

Even the moms who don’t mind older teens or adults trick-or-treating agree there is behavior that they do not appreciate. “I hate those obnoxious groups of teens trick-or-treating and pushing past the little kids,” related Char from New York. “Even worse is when they don't even have a costume.”

Ana, mom of one, felt the same. “My only issues are older kids or adults not dressing up or uncostumed parents pushing a stroller with a dressed up baby to get candy for themselves,” she explained.

And Rachael from Wisconsin may have summed it up best. “I don’t think there is an age limit, but I won’t give candy to rude kids no matter the age!” she shared.

More on Halloween

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Halloween safety tips for parents
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Do the media really function as a parent? At first glance, this question seems absurd. Parents do provide the basics for children: Shelter, food and love. Don’t they?

When the media
is the parent

Contributed by Dr. George Drinka

After years in child and adolescent psychiatry, I began to consider this question since many kids insisted on telling me in therapy about media productions that touched them deeply, in addition to describing family or peer conflicts. Slowly I began to see these media creations as virtual family members affecting in unexplored ways family structure and children’s inner lives.

Media's role in children's lives

In my quest to learn more about the media’s expanding place in children’s lives, I examined the social science literature on the subject. Perhaps not surprisingly, this study deepened my fascination with the subject and strengthened my core ideas. This literature began as a trickle in the 1950s and has grown into a steady stream of articles. Social scientists have undertaken vast studies and expressed serious concerns. Much of the literature has focused on violence, fear, glamorization of alcohol consumption, earlier sexual activity, low self-esteem and obesity. But the list of concerns keeps growing. While a few areas of positive impact have been detected, like enhanced eye-hand coordination in kids who played video games incessantly, other studies have found that these same children often experience lower academic performance.

The literature, however, left certain important questions unanswered: How did the media have these effects? What were the intermediary steps? And the scientific defenders of the media always returned to the argument that, while one could correlate media over-consumption with these problems, a causal link was not clear. What was cause, and what merely correlation?

Areas of uncertainty

To shed light on these two areas of uncertainty — causation versus correlation and the intermediary steps — I set out to pen case studies of children and adolescents from my practice that had become overly absorbed in media creations, and deeply influenced by them.

The case studies in my upcoming book, When the Media Is the Parent, work to fill these two gaps in the social science literature. Via this approach, I attempt to narrate how children — especially vulnerable ones — allow, in fact invite, the media into their inner lives. In one case, you’ll meet a boy living in a tumultuous home who turned to incessant playing of Grand Theft Auto to cope. In another, you’ll meet a girl sexually molested by an uncle as a toddler, which memory she buried. Later she discovered in BDSM websites a kind of sex ed tool. In a third, I describe a teen boy stressed with cancer and warring parents who turns to vampire video games to embody his personal turmoil.

Beyond distraction

The book also underscores a crucial point: The media has become the parent for too many American children, not just troubled ones. How does this broader cultural phenomenon work? When overworked parents unthinkingly hand over their children to the media for distraction and babysitting, the media obligingly steps in. Seemingly it sets out to entertain, but in truth it elbows aside the parent in terms of role modeling, value development, and storytelling, traditionally the domain of actual parents.

While some may argue that my cases are outliers, in truth the principles culled from my cases apply to millions of American families that approximate the norm. Most children suffer from vulnerabilities and many internally harbor deep concerns about how they measure up physically, socially and academically in the wide world. The media seems to offer them answers.

Dr. George Drinka is a child and adolescent psychiatrist and the author of The Birth of Neurosis: Myth, Malady and the Victorians . His new book, When the Media Is the Parent, is a culmination of his work with children, his scholarly study of works on the media and American cultural history, and his dedication to writing stories that reveal the humanity in us all.

More about kids and the media

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Face it — we can’t all be BFFs. Most of the time, even with our differences, we can get along and play nice with the other moms on the playground or at the PTA meetings. What happens when there is one mom who is just plain bullying the others?

Playground bullies aren't always the kids

When you feel like pulling hair or having a shouting match, it’s time to step back and take a different stance.

When you hear the term bully, do you think of a mean-spirited fourth grader who steals lunch money, or someone from your Bunco group? Bullies aren’t just a part of the school-aged crowd — they also come in a grown-up version. Dealing with the behavior of an adult bully can be difficult and take a toll on your self-esteem.

What to do about your kid's bully behavior >>

How women bully

The very nature of female relationships is quite different from that of our male counterparts. Men bond over shared experiences like a pick-up game of basketball or a day at the ballpark. Women rely on the intimacy of female friendships — sharing feelings, concerns, fears and emotions. A group of grown women will bond over sharing these emotions, forming an attachment to a person or group. Psychologists use the term relational aggression to explain a covert type of bullying that is subtle, yet very hurtful. When bullies use their relationships and power to cause social problems — like excluding someone from an event, then posting pictures on Facebook — this is relational aggression in action. By preying on the very nature of female connections, these bullies gain their power.

“Bullying isn’t uniquely female,” says Irene Levine, Ph.D., author of Best Friends Forever: Surviving A Breakup With Your Best Friend and professor of psychiatry at the New York University School of Medicine. “But there are always women who need to build themselves up by knocking others down. They may exclude, gossip or do other things to demean one individual — particularly someone who seems vulnerable. Making someone feel alone, rejected and treating her as an outcast can be as vicious as a physical assault.” Spreading rumors, innuendos, back-stabbing, teasing and other passive-aggressive behaviors are also weapons of the female bully.

Technology gets in the game

Modern-day mom bullies also have social media on their side. With almost everyone carrying a smartphone 24/7, a simple tweet or Facebook comment instantaneously attacks a victim and displays the taunt for all to see. Hiding behind a screen gives people a false sense of bravery they might not have in a face-to-face conversation.

Can you believe these mom bloggers behaving badly? >>

Group gripe

When the mom bully in question is pushing her weight around with a group of moms — think school committees or PTA board — you need to rebalance the power of the group. The bully gains her power by making others feel insecure, so group members need to be firm and decisive when making proposals or voting on group actions. Include the bully on committees and in decision-making, but don’t let her change your opinions. By standing firm, you take away her power and she will soon have no reason to continue being pushy.

Singled out

When you are on the receiving end of personal attacks, it’s easy to start doubting yourself and your self-worth. This is especially difficult if the bully was someone you considered a friend. Meeting with the bully privately and letting her know you won’t stand for her insults shows her that you know exactly what she’s doing. If you truly feel that the bully has turned an entire group of friends against you, are these really people you want in your life anyway?

Distancing yourself from toxic friendships and finding people who will respect you may be the hardest thing you’ve ever done, but it’s the best thing for your self-esteem. Standing up against a bully is never easy — even as an adult. Recognize that bullies feel powerful when they make you feel insecure, and don’t let them win.

More self-esteem ideas

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It’s a tricky line when it comes to determining what’s too sexy for teenage girls to wear on Halloween. On one hand, you don’t want to send girls the message that their bodies are wrong or shameful. On the other, it’s important to teach girls to resist trends of sexualizing and objectifying bodies at increasingly younger ages. These four costumes are too risque for tweens and teens, but with some creativity, they can be re-imagined and pulled off in an age-appropriate way.

Discover clever and creative family photo tips >>

Find celebrity-inspired Halloween costumes >>

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Do you have a little foodie left behind when her big brother or sister goes to school for the day? These cleverly-designed food activities may actually help her look forward to school days instead of being upset when the siblings leave the house.

Nutty Putty

Have you ever seen a dessert you can play with and then eat? Well, this Nutty Putty dessert is designed specifically for those who love to play with their food.

Ingredients

• 3-1/2 cups peanut butter
• 4 cups powdered sugar
• 3-1/2 cups honey
• 4 cups dried milk powder

Directions

1. Mix ingredients together. Divide into 10 to 15 portions.
2. Store extra portions in plastic bags in refrigerator or freezer. This treat can serve as fun dough. With clean hands, children can mold and shape it into animals, flowers and other objects while they eat it.

Note: If you have peanut allergies in your home, substitute Sunbutter for the peanut butter — it will work and taste like the real thing, but with no danger to your allergic family member.

Painted Toast

Make familiar shapes out of children's foods. It's fun, especially when you create interesting foods to look at. Painted toast and sandwich faces will provide entertainment for the eater and will help those children who would rather be playing than having lunch enjoy their meal. Use food coloring in milk to paint faces or cartoons on bread.

Directions

1. Put 1/4 cup milk in a glass and set in front of your child at the table. Add a few drops of food coloring and stir.
2. With a clean brush , let children create designs.
3. When they are through creating, toast the bread and serve as part of the sandwich.

Sandwich Faces

Create a silly sandwich face — it will kill time and encourage kids to eat their tasty creation. Try one of these ideas on an open-face sandwich: 

• Peanut-butter sandwich with olive eyes, nut nose, tangerine ears and cheese-puff mouth.
• Hamburger patty with pickle ears, catsup nose, cheese tie, pepper eyebrows and olive eyes.
• Sloppy Joe with grated-cheese hair, olive eyes, green pepper mouth, and mushroom nose and ears.

More kids activities

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What you'll need:

What you'll do:

Use your scissors to cut out the center of the plate.

Use your hole punch to cut out holes along the rim of the plate.

Cut about 6 feet of yarn, then feed the end of the yarn through one of the holes. Use the tape to secure it in place to the back of the plate.

Feed the other end of the yarn through another hole, then continue weaving the yarn back and forth to form the web. Secure the end on the back with tape.

Cut a slit in the spider ring and slide it onto the yarn.

Cut another 6-inch length of yarn and thread it through two holes at the top of the plate. Secure it in place with tape.

Grab a piece of tape and hang the spider web in the window.

More Halloween fun

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Fun and scary crafts for kids
Bats and cats Halloween napkin rings

Rebecca Eckler, a writer and mother from Canada, recently admitted she hired someone to teach her child to ride a bike. We decided to ask moms what mommy duties they'd outsource if they could.

Hire someone to do your "mommy duties"

From potty training to bath time, what would you hire someone to do for you?

Mother of two Rebecca Eckler said hiring someone to teach her child to ride a bicycle was no different than signing her little one up for swim or music lessons. Her reasoning? She said she didn't want to watch her fall why she learned. Seems understandable enough and begs the question: What else could we hire someone to do for us?

Homework

What mom hasn't scratched her head as she's stared blankly at her child's homework sheet trying to recount the name of an eight-sided geometrical shape or remember the difference between a mean and a median and wondered if Googling the answer would be wildly inappropriate Mom blogger Ellen Grossman admits she'd happily pay someone to help her kids with their math homework. "I haven't understood it since they were in the third grade!" she laughs.

Homework help tips for every age >>

Dispense medicine

Trying to get a little one to take medicine can be one of the hardest things a mother will have to do. Think flinging arms and legs, screaming and tears so it's not surprising that some moms would hire out this duty. "Right now I would hire someone to get my son to take his cold medicine," says Meredith Zolty. "It might involve a team of two or more and martial arts experience."

Clean those pearly whites

Freelance writer and blogger Robin Farr says, "Can I have someone come over twice a day for about five minutes each time to brush my kid's teeth? Not having to deal with the spitting and toothpaste trails would significantly reduce my stress level."

Bedtime

Bedtime, more often than not, can be the antithesis of lullabies and soft lighting. Shara from Maryland says about her kids' bedtime, "Usually it's a straight-up disaster! You would think that I'm announcing the end of the world when it's time to get ready for bed. Oh the screams of horror and dismay, usually all from the 3-year-old! I know there is someone out there who is so much more capable of running a smooth and peaceful bedtime routine, but it is clearly not me."

The importance of bedtime routines >>

Everything

Michelle Morton, mother of three boys from North Carolina, has no qualms about the fact that she'd hire someone to do just about, well, everything:

• Scrub baseball pants
• Drive them around to their sports
• Take pictures at the boys' games
• Then put all the pictures in a scrapbook
• Clean the garage
• Grocery shop
• Cook dinner

Read more about mom support systems

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Why all moms need good mom friends
Chasing the Dream: How this mom helps other moms

Life happens… even when we don’t have pictures of it

One of the biggest pitfalls of parenting is the desire to document everything. For generations, parents have flocked to everything from recitals to graduations armed with cameras to preserve life’s important moments in video and print. Smartphones have taken this to a whole new level and social media sites like Facebook and Instagram are primed for an instant snap-and-share frenzy.

While technology has made it easier than ever to capture every second of your child’s life, it can also rob you of opportunities to genuinely experience those moments. It’s too easy to spend an entire birthday party or family event with a camera in front of your face instead of having your arms around your kids.

Try this: Hire a photographer, or designate a family member or friend to take pictures so you can spend time truly being present. For the everyday moments that can fill up your Instagram feed, if your child is doing something so incredibly cute that you just can’t resist, make a deal with yourself that you’ll snap a photo or two then put your phone out of arm’s reach.

No phone zones

One of the easiest ways to cut down on distractions and parent in the moment is to ditch cell phones altogether during family time. When your smartphone is nearby, it’s tempting to flip through Twitter, or check what’s been happening on Pinterest since the last time you looked. If your phone is out of sight, it’s a lot easier to skip the habitual web surfing and give your family your full attention.

Try this: Declare no phone zones , where cell phones aren’t allowed. Make sure you set the example by following the rule. It's tempting to check your phone for just one last thing, but odds are it won't be worth opening the floodgates.

Set work/life boundaries

If you work from home or have a flexible schedule, the line between work and life often blurs. One of the biggest culprits that can distract from family time, unless you set boundaries, is the email trap. You innocently check one new message on your phone and next thing you know, you’re knee deep in something work related.

Try this: If it’s outside of your regular business hours, ask yourself: Does this absolutely need to get done right now? With the instant gratification that technology offers, it's easy to feel pressured to reply immediately to after-hours emails, or feel obligated to check messages on the spot just because you can. If it’s not absolutely critical to tackle that task right then, save it for a time when your kids are in bed, or first thing in the morning before they wake up. Checking and responding to work requests after hours might seem like 10 or 15 minutes here and there, but just think of how many stories you can read, tickle fests you could be part of and memories you can make instead.

Read more about balance

5 Tips to find work-life balance
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Bring the treats to your kids

Instead of having your children go door-to-door, host a potluck block party for the neighbors on your street. As the host, you’ll be in personal contact with the attendees, which will give you the ability to help control the “treats” that are brought to the party as well as the opportunity to get to know your neighbors. This will make you feel much better about letting your child take candy from them in the future.

Tricks for healthier Halloween treats >>

Attend local festivities

Trick-or-treating around the neighborhood is not the only way to spend Halloween. Check out events and celebrations at local churches, farms and even malls. Many organizations offer safe alternatives to door-to-door trick-or-treating such as sponsored parties and festivals with kid zones and games and age-appropriate haunted houses. Attend these events as a family or allow your children to invite a friend or two so your kids don't feel alienated from the entire trick-or-treating crowd. And we're sure the parents of those friends will be very appreciative of your safe approach to Halloween night.

Fun fall activities for kids >>

Check out places in your area that host seasonal events that are not necessarily Halloween-centric such as a night hayride, cowboy dinner around the campfire or apple picking.

What to do when you don’t celebrate Halloween >>

Have a party

If your child insists he’s the only one who’s not allowed to go trick-or-treating, allow him to have a Halloween party. Decorate pumpkins, play silly/scary traditional Halloween games like bobbing for apples or the always gross "guess the body part" and serve lots of Halloween treats. Don’t forget take-home goodie bags for the kids filled with candy and trinkets so they won’t miss a thing about the trick-or-treating tradition. We're betting lots of kids will prefer this alternative to trick-or-treating all night long to earn their bag of candy.

Include your family in your alternative Halloween plans

If you choose not to celebrate Halloween in your household, tell your family why you’ve made this choice. You may not be very popular with your kids at first, but you need to stand your ground — for their safety.

Invite them to help you come up with alternate ways to spend the day. Perhaps you’ll let them stay up late making autumn-inspired desserts or watching Christmas movies a little too early in the season. Whatever you decide, make sure the entire family is in on the new plan for Halloween and turn it into a yearly tradition.

More on Halloween

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Contributed by Mary Kay Hoal

It can be very overwhelming for a parent to learn of their child’s true online activities. Most parents immediately take a defensive stance when they first see what their child is posting online, particularly when that parent hasn’t been involved in monitoring their child’s online or cell phone activities — or maybe they have but only at a surface level.

Why you should talk to the parents

Know, however, that it is for the greater good of that child that you let the parents know what’s going on. Your actions will potentially help the family and the child bypass the potential consequences due to what she posts. Alerting the parents can help that child avoid:

1. Being expelled from school or a sports team.
2. Ruining her reputation.
3. Missing out on scholarship, college or job opportunity.
4. Not passing a social media background check, which the Federal Trade Commission has been made legal to do. A social media background check allows colleges, universities and businesses to research up to seven years of a person’s online content. So, what a child posts at age 10 or 17 and any age in between really does matter. When it’s all said and done, what a child is posting today can affect her future in a few short years.

How to talk to the parents

When you’re ready to talk to the child’s parent, consider the following:

1. Talk face to face.
2. Relate to the parent. Let them know that you understand that all kids at some point tend to make mistakes online, and their child isn’t alone in this situation.
3. If possible, bring a copy of what’s been posted. It takes the “my child would never” dynamic out of the equation if you’re able to show specific examples.
4. Then you can share with them some of the resources you use to keep up with and monitor your own child’s activities so that these types of situations can be avoided.
5. Finally, shake their hand, or extend another warm gesture along with a smile and remind them that you, too, are a parent and you’d appreciate them doing the same for you since, at the end of the day, you both care about your children’s well-being.

Mary Kay Hoal is a nationally recognized expert on children’s social media and online safety. She is the founder and president of Yoursphere Media Inc., which focuses on the family and publishes the kids’ social network Yoursphere.com — sign your kids up today! Mary Kay also offers parents Internet-safety information at YoursphereForParents.com. She has been profiled on CNN, BBC, E!, Fox & Friends, TIME, Lifetime TV and many others. Mary Kay is a contributor to ABC's 20/20 as their family internet-safety expert. For more information visit marykayhoal.com.

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Art offers a great opportunity to bond, encourage imagination and create new memories when family members participate together. Child development expert Maureen Healy emphasizes the importance of art, especially for children. "Art is the language of children," she explained. "A child learns to communicate, understand and discover their world initially through expressing their unique creativity."

Here are a few ways you can spend some quality time with your family while nurturing their creative side:

Preschool

Preschool-age kids love to get their hands dirty. Luckily, turning their handprints into pieces of art can be a snap:

• Use plaster of Paris and a paper plate to create a permanent hand- or footprint and have your child paint it a favorite color.
• Pick out a blank T-shirt or apron and your favorite color of permanent marker or paint. Trace or print your tiny tyke's hand or foot for a masterpiece that is also a keepsake.
• Trace your child's hand and use the outline as the basis for many holiday-themed projects: Thanksgiving turkeys, winter reindeer antlers and springtime flowers emerge from those little hands that still fit into yours.

Grade school

Once kids enter grade school, the key message is independence. Through art, they can express their individualism while developing concentration and creative-thinking skills. Here are a few projects they can do with you or on their own:

• Wooden picture frames are instant mementos that are perfect for your growing artist; you can customize the frame's surface with paint, markers and wooden shapes.
• With a pad of paper and colored markers, your grade-schooler can create a flipbook that brings his very own animated character to life.
• Drawings filled in with dots using color markers, paint or stickers can create an optical illusion when you stand back to observe the new work of art.

Junior high school and high school

As children get older, getting them to jump onto the family-fun bandwagon gets harder. Pique their interest with projects that offer a bit of challenge:

• Armed with a bar of soap and a paring knife, your family can whittle their way through soap carving.
• With supervision, wax beads, pressed flowers and a wick, candle making can be fun for older kids.
• The trial and error of creating a mosaic can be challenging enough to intrigue even a resistant teen. Use colored pieces of paper on a sheet of poster board to fill in a drawing they've created, or use pieces of broken ceramic tile on an outdoor tabletop for a montage that's a keeper.

Proud of the work you and your family have created? Don't limit your artwork to a wall. Pick up some printable iron-on paper from your local craft or office supply store, scan your artwork and iron it onto a T-shirt for all to see!

More on family activities

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theme party

Throw a Sock Monkey party

Kara Allen, straight from Kara's Party Ideas, is sharing
one of her adorable party ideas with SheKnows. At a
very young age, Kara started planning birthday parties
for her family and friends. Her creative mind, attention
to detail and love for party styling became evident as
her site grew quickly.

I’m excited to share my Sock Monkey Birthday Party with you! Who doesn’t love the classic sock monkey toy? This party theme would be adorable for any occasion!

To start off, I set up the party on two different tables. One, a cream chest that was lower to the ground .

The second table, an old wooden cable spool, was used for the monkey candy bar... with treats like monkey vines, Tootsie Rolls, chocolate animal crackers, banana candies, banana milk, monkey tails and more.

The candy and cookies were all placed in tall glass jars, adorned with burlap ribbon and twine from my shop* .

Easily make monkey tails with pretzel sticks dipped in white candy melts. I placed the “monkey tails” in a small mason jar and wrote what treats were offered on cute miniature standing chalkboards.

Behind the small cream chest was a chalkboard. Pennant flags spelling “PARTY” were easily drawn onto the chalkboard with cream chalk. Polka dot balloons were attached to the side of the chalkboard for extra charm.

We filled mini pedestal cups with banana pudding and vanilla wafers. A cute wooden mini spoon was set at the front of each cup; adorned with baker’s twine.

The sock monkey napkins, cups, plates and tablecloth from my shop were so bright and fun and added so much to the party. I hung a toy monkey on the side of each sock monkey themed cup, and placed striped red paper straws in each cup as well. Cupcakes with red gumballs on top were placed in polka dot nut/candy cups. The candy/cupcake cups are good for more than just cupcakes, too... they’re the perfect size for holding treats and candy as well.

We made a fun cake/dessert stand out of three “barrel of monkeys.” We simply wrapped the barrels in jute/twine and placed a plate on top of the barrels.

We filled gumball/candy tubes with red candies, and tied brown ribbon around them.

The natural wooden trays set out in front of the candy bar were a hit! I also put striped paper bags and burlap bags out for the guests to fill. We made window favor bags for this party, too. The red striped paper bags, ornate paper punch and ribbon are all available in my shop. Easy tutorial on how to make them, here.

*All the party supplies mentioned here and used in this party are available in Kara’s Party Ideas Shop.

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Myth: Being like Gumby is cool!

Fact: “While it is adorable that [my daughter] can put her feet behind her ears or sleep folded in half, it's actually not a good thing,” shares Larina P., a North Carolina mom of a 4-year-old daughter with Ds. Children with Down syndrome have an increased flexibility that is the result of low muscle tone. Low tone can create a laundry list of health and mobility issues, affecting everything from speech to walking.

Myth: Those children are so sweet!

Fact: All children, including those with Down syndrome, experience all emotions, from temper tantrums to joyous outbursts, and from moments of charm and manipulation to flat-out stubbornness. Children with Down syndrome and “typical” children truly are more alike than different.

“Children can feed off the energy of others, so if you are reacting to a child positively, then you will most likely get happiness back,” says Tamara I., a North Carolina mom of a 4-year-old boy with Ds.

Myth: You're so strong! Your child is so lucky!

Fact: “This isn’t always true and creates a pressure in the public arena to hide struggles and frustrations as a special needs parent,” says Corey C., a North Carolina mom to a 6-year-old daughter with Ds. “We're not always strong, knowledgeable, patient or at the ready. We are scared, struggling and working 'round the clock.

“Is she lucky to have me? When I am being a prepared, patient, fun Mom — yes. When I am a late getting out the door, impatient, easily irritated Mom — no. [But] I'm trying. Just like every other parent in the world.”

Myth: There are "levels" of Down syndrome

Fact: There's no "mild" or "moderate" Down syndrome. "You either have it or you don't!," emphasizes Ashley W., a North Carolina mom to a 7-year-old boy with Ds. "However, all [children with Down syndrome] have different strengths and weaknesses and develop at their own rate just like typical children do!"

What can vary, however, is the extent of an individual's cognitive delay. Most people with Down syndrome have mild to moderate cognitive delays, but no test exists to know just how mild a delay will be until it presents itself.

Learn more myths and truths about Down syndrome, or post a question below!

Read more about special needs

One mother's plea to stop use of the "R" word
Having a sibling with Down syndrome
Best apps for kids with special needs

Lea Michele

Glee star Lea Michele sparked baby bump rumors when she was spotted out in a flowing top and reportedly was trying to hide her tummy with a bag.

The star, who is dating Glee co-star Cory Montieth, probably just had lunch or the paparazzi caught her in a bad angle but… pregnancy rumors shortly followed.

Her good-natured response? “My first fake pregnancy rumor!“ she tweeted. “I’ve finally made it!”

Her fans quickly responded to her tweet, writing, “Congrats on your imaginary baby!“ and “Omg are you serious?! People are crazy! But yup you’ve made it.“

Michele was later spotted out looking like her usual svelte self at Elle’s Women in Hollywood Event in a sheer black belted dress.

Next up:  Pregnant Shakira shows off her baby bump in black leggings

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Shakira

Columbian singer Shakira showed off her rock star baby bump in Seraphine Faux Leather Leggings paired with a sparkly top at her performance at the FIFA Women’s World Cup in Baku, Azerbaijan.

The 35-year-old is expecting her first child with her boyfriend, Spanish football star Gerard Pique. Shakira recently said she is having a boy — and new sources are saying they already have a baby name picked out!

The couple is reporting planning on naming their son Biel. This name’s origin is Catalan and is derived from the name Gabriel.

Next up: Lily Allen debuts her baby bump

Photo: Celebrity Baby Scoop - Celebrity Mom and Baby News

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Lily Allen

Singer Lily Allen debuted her baby bump for the first time since announcing she was pregnant with her second child.

“This is me and Maryam of @MyMarrakesh who took me shopping in marrakesh and showed me all this amazing stuff,” she tweeted, with a photo of her standing in a gray tunic top showing off her growing belly.

Allen and her husband Sam Cooper are already parents to 11-month-old daughter Ethel Mary.

In addition to working on growing a baby, she is also working on new music! ”It’s great to work at my own pace, with no commitments other than to make music,” she said. ”I'm excited to be heading back into the studio.”

Next up: Sofia Vergara wears A Pea in the Pod on set of Modern Family

Photo credit: Celebrity Baby Scoop - Celebrity Mom and Baby News

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Sofia Vergara

OK, so Sofia Vergara is not actually pregnant in real life, but her character Gloria Delgado-Pritchett on Modern Family sure is! The actress was spotted on set looking very chic with her faux baby bump and wearing A Pea in the Pod Houndstooth Faux Wrap Maternity Dress .

Vergara, 40, told Katie Couric that she is actually not looking forward to filming the show once her character has a baby. ”It’s going to change for me, because then, actually my hours of shooting with Ed and Rico [Rodriguez], they’re very fast, because we come prepared,” Vergara said. ”We do it fast; Ed is very professional, and Rico too, he’s like an adult. And now, with a baby, it’s going to be double because they cry, and then, ’Bring the other one, bring the new one, the diaper’ — so we’re dreading it.”

What about a baby in real life? Vergara already has a 22-year-old son, but just got engaged so perhaps another child is in her future?

“Maybe next year I could think about it,” she told Katie.

Next up: Pregnant Malin Akerman’s charity event

Photo credit: AKMGSI

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Malin Akerman

Pregnant actress Malin Akerman wore a long black dress as she hosted a cocktail reception to benefit the international nonprofit organization Opportunity International to help support Nicaraguan schools.

The 34-year-old Rock of Ages star is expecting her first child with her husband, and recently revealed that her pregnancy was “kind of planned.”

"We took the goalie out of the net and said, ’Let’s see what happens.’ Because you never know how long it’s going to take. We got lucky,“ she told Us Weekly.

“It’s just been so new and early, we haven’t even thought about a baby’s room or anything,“ she said.

From Megan Fox to Reggie Bush's pregnant girlfriend, check out more celebrity baby bumps here >>

Photo of Malin Akerman by Amanda Edwards/WireImage; All other photos WENN unless noted otherwise

It’s natural to focus in on the minutia of daily life. But in doing so, we miss out on the big picture.

Recognizing your growth

If you are so busy focusing on the daily challenges of working at home with kids, you might miss a big professional win. It’s time to take a closer look.

A few weeks ago, I was chatting with a friend and said something about 2012 being a particularly rough year for my career. I said it without thinking, and her response made me rethink my words . Has 2012 really been that bad?

Honestly, no. In fact, the overall trend of this year was upward and onward. Yes, I started 2012 out with a colossal parting of ways with a valued client. But I survived and thrived, weathering budget cuts, picking up more work and getting some important notice by some great publications.

While 2012 wasn't the walking-on-air year I would have liked it to be, it was still a good year. And really, I have come so far personally and professionally.

Evaluating where we are

It's so easy to write off the good things that happen and get caught up in the little hurts and fails. But doing so is a disservice to ourselves and missing out on a chance to honor accomplishments — and teach our kids to do the same.

Take a step back and make a list of all the good things you've accomplished and achieved — whether it's over the last month, few months or year. Then think about it in context — how did the good relate to the bad? Are you better off now?

Also, make celebrating accomplishments a regular part of your life going forward. You could do this by sharing them at family meals or creating family goal charts, says Erin Baebler, a coach who works with women to explore their potential and move through transitions. Even small ones are worth recognizing.

"It really is all about creating habits for yourself and also recognizing that it's worth the time it takes to stop and commend yourself. Think how great our kids feel when we give them a compliment about something they've worked hard on. We deserve to give ourselves the same recognition," says Baebler.

Ellie Hirsch of Mommy Masters, a resource for parents who want to create a flourishing family environment, says that women should recognize their accomplishments and use them as motivation. "As we complete something important to us, use that positive feeling as an inspiration to achieve even more," says Hirsch.

Celebrating success

When you do something great, Hirsch says that moms should reward themselves — just as they would their children. "Whether you have crossed off an item on your ever-growing to-do list, landed a big account at work, taught your child how to potty train, or are following your dreams, don't downplay your success and instead, celebrate each and every accomplishment," says Hirsch.

A few ideas for rewarding your good news? Hirsch suggests a manicure, a special lunch or a girl's night out. "It's important to give yourself a pat on the back once in a while... you deserve it," says Hirsch.

More from Chasing the Dream

Managing your priorities
Why you need a mentor — and how to find one
How Jaden Hair achieved her dreams

Are you one of those lucky moms whose teen confides in her? Earning your daughter’s trust and confidence is so important — why would you do anything to jeopardize it?

How to build your teen's trust

A scary real-life example

Michele’s seventh-grade daughter confided in her that a friend and classmate was having sex with an older boy and thought she might be pregnant. The friend’s mother didn’t know that she was sexually active.

Sworn to secrecy, Michele was torn between honoring her child’s trust and protecting the other child. In the end, she decided to keep her daughter's confidence and not alert the other mother.

Did Michele do the right thing? Experts and moms weigh in.

Experts say: She did the right thing

“Protect your child’s trust: Do not tell the other mother,” says Dr. Fran Walfish, child and adolescent psychotherapist and author of The Self-Aware Parent. “Always praise your child for talking with you and telling you what’s going on and what’s on her mind.”

Parenting expert John Duffy agrees. “This is among the trickiest parenting situations, to be sure,” says Dr. Duffy, parenting expert and author of The Available Parent. “I lean strongly in favor of sustaining, protecting and cherishing the mother-daughter confidence.”

How to plan the perfect mother-daughter outing >>

Moms say: She did not do the right thing

“How could any parent knowingly sit back and let another child do something dangerous?” asks mom Melissa Perlman Chelist.

Melissa has strict confidence with her three daughters, ages 16, 13 and 10. “They can talk to me about anything and they do,” she says. “However, if someone is doing something unhealthy or dangerous, it is my responsibility as an adult to help. My children know this.”

Mom Deanna Lightner encourages her child to put herself in the friend's shoes. “I would have a heart-to-heart talk with my daughter,“ says Deanna. “I would explain that I, as her mom, would want to know if she were in danger so she didn't have to face it all alone and I could get her the help she needed. I would do it out of love.“

Top 10 celebrity mothers and daughters >>

To share or not to share

“My older daughters have discussed with me that some other girls are having sexual encounters or drinking. This I do not share,” Chelist says.

Instead, she uses these discussions as opportunities to help her daughters protect themselves. “We discuss safety. I remind them that they should discuss with me if and when they become sexually active, and I remind them that they should never drink and drive.”

If you have to break your daughter’s confidence — her friend is suicidal, for example — “talk it over with your daughter first,” says Dr. Walfish. Help her understand why it’s important for you to reach out to the other mother.

“The only situation I would allow to violate the mother-daughter confidence would be the imminent danger of another child,” says Dr. Duffy. “If health and safety are directly at issue — a friend is suicidal or using heavy drugs — then I think it becomes critical to break the confidence.”

Talk it over with your daughter first: “It is important for Mom to talk to her daughter about the reason for the violation, and why it merits the break in confidence,” says Dr. Duffy.

Every mother-daughter relationship is different. If you and your child can be continually open and honest with each other, then you will get through these tough situations together.

More about talking with your teenage daughter

Boost your daughter's self-confidence
How to talk to your daughter about women's health
The importance of the father-daughter relationship

When your child isn’t into thrills and chills, Halloween can be a rough holiday. Kids with Sensory Processing Disorder often struggle with the sights and sounds of Halloween. This year, have a sensory smart Halloween by planning ahead.

Consider trick-or-treating during the day

Set off on your trick-or-treating adventure before the sun goes down. When it’s daylight, kids can see more easily, and visual disturbances like flashing lights, open flames and black lights won’t be a factor. Some communities offer indoor trick-or-treating in places such as malls and recreation centers. If your child with SPD loves blinking lights and visual stimulation, go at night but be sure to bring a good flashlight.

Learn how to make Halloween work for you all year >>

Use your favorite sensory tools during the holiday

Remember to lean on the tools that help your child manage his Sensory Processing Disorder. If he’s soothed by fidget toys or chewing gum, bring those tools along with you when you trick-or-treat or attend Halloween parties. If your child responds well to noise-canceling ear muffs, incorporate them into a pilot or engineer costume.

More on Sensory Processing Disorder

Sensory Processing Disorder basics
Travel tips for kids with Sensory Processing Disorder
Help your child with Sensory Processing Disorder at school

If I had a dollar — or even a dime — for every time in the last year I have been asked about whether I am having more kids, I would be well on my way to owning that fantasy beach home. And the "are you sure you are done having kids," question? It's enough to make me pull my hair out, strand by strand.

My name is Sarah. I am a mother of two — and I plan to stay that way.

Family planning 101

When my husband and I were married, we decided to have children right away. My son was born about a month shy of our first anniversary. A few years later, my daughter came along. While we didn't make any firm plans about the number of children we planned to have, we've come to decide that two is perfect.

Family planning is such a personal thing, and I think that as parents when you know, you just know. Two kids is just right for us.

Responding to the questions

Look, I have asked these questions before. I understand the curiosity behind them. But responding to them? Not as fun. Especially as you see your mothering life flash before your eyes — pregnancies, births, imaginary images... and then... wait, are you having more kids?

Of course, even when that wonder tickles your thoughts, sometimes it's logic — and what's right for your family — that really has to win out. After all, this highly personal decision is a loaded one.

Still, if you are being bombarded with the family planning questions, you can always turn to humor. "Humor is the great deflector because everyone saves face," says Jenna McCarthy, author of If It Was Easy, They'd Call the Whole Damn Thing a Honeymoon: Living with and Loving the TV-Addicted, Sex-Obsessed, Not-So-Handy Man You Married.

Personally, my answers range from horrified to sarcastic to incredulous. But sometimes a simple, "yes," is just right. Really, a straighter approach can get the point across too. "If you’re horrified, offended or even just taken aback by the question, a simple, 'wow, that’s a personal question!' ought to shut the person down. 'That’s between me and my husband/OBGYN/uterus' sends the same 'drop it' message," says McCarthy.

More on family planning

Birth control: Natural family planning
Birth control: Vasectomy facts
Finding birth control that is right for you

Ella Thompson is a 7-year-old with Down syndrome. Her mom, Jenny, is working to build Ella's self-confidence so if she's ever confronted by someone using hurtful language, she will have the courage to stand up for herself.

Teaching compassion

As the special needs community reacts to Ann Coulter’s repeated and intentional use of the “R“ word, parents and organizations encourage taking this opportunity to educate children on compassion and bullying.

When Ann Coulter tweeted the “R” word the first time, it drew criticism and the wrath of parents and advocates of people with special needs. She did not respond to public demands that she apologize.

Ignoring the reality that her insults hurt a nonpartisan community, she tweeted the word again after Monday night’s presidential debate, referring to President Barack Obama.

To date, she has defended her use of the word, calling criticism “political correctness.“

Parents of children with special needs respond

Arguably, Coulter earns her salary by adding an inflammatory flair to any issue leaning left of far right. But Coulter has mistaken the special needs community for a vulnerable target for her bullying. When you poke hundreds of thousands of mama bears, nature is going to swipe back unrelentingly.

“I got outraged at first, thinking how can she be so selfish to do this,” says Jenny Thompson of Fort Smith, Arkansas, mom to 7-year-old daughter, Ella, and 4-year-old son, Silas. Ella has Down syndrome. “Then I break down, thinking about my daughter hearing that word.

“The hard thing with Coulter is that her [use of the word] is intentional. She could easily choose her words a different way.”

Coulter’s choice prompts conversation

Jenny’s husband, Kevin Thompson, lead pastor of Community Bible Church in Fort Smith, tweeted Tuesday in response to Coulter: “We don’t get to choose what words hurt others; we do get to choose whether or not we use those words. Choose wisely.”

“We can all learn from this situation,” Kevin told SheKnows.com, “It is a scary thought to consider how inconsiderate I am without even knowing about it. When I say, ‘that kills me,’ when talking to someone whose loved one was murdered, or ‘I wanted to blow my brains out’ to the person who had a friend [who] committed suicide or ‘do you want my kid?’ to the person who can’t get pregnant, I’m being just as hurtful as Coulter.”

Parents, talk to your children

One conversation may mean the difference between your child learning to show compassion for others and, well, let’s face it… your child becoming the next Ann Coulter. But where to start?

“After the watching the movie ‘The Help,’ I decided I needed to start building up Ella’s self-image so that when she’s later confronted with hurtful comments, she will have a solid foundation on which to stand,“ says Jenny Thompson.

“Nearly every night, we sit in front of her mirror and she says, ‘I am smart, I am beautiful, I am important and I am loved by God.’

“We’re never going to be able to completely protect our children from all the hurtful things people say in life, so we must ensure they are confident in who they are, who God created them to be and by whom they are loved. That is our very best weapon against an often cruel world.”

Lisa Morguess of Fullerton, California, has seven children, including Finn, who is 4 and has Down syndrome. When Finn was born, “we explained to them that they had probably already heard other kids at school say ’retard’ and ’retarded,’“ Lisa says. “When people say those things, they mean to be funny, or to express that they think something or someone is silly or dumb or ridiculous, but what they’re really doing is saying something very mean about kids like their brother, Finn, who will take longer to learn things because he has Down syndrome. It’s never OK to say mean things like that about anyone.“

Teachers, talk to your students

Experts have responded to requests from the education community to provide help in talking about inclusion and bullying.

Easter Seals has developed a free, downloadable program for educators called Friends Who Care, sponsored by Friendly’s. The program is described on the Easter Seals website as a “disability awareness program for elementary students, developed with the goals to encourage typically developing children to accept their peers with disabilities as people first and also to find ways to include everyone in school and after-school activities.“

StopBullying.org offers tips on discussing bullying, including a free toolkit for teachers, and free training in conjunction with The U.S. Department of Education and its Safe and Supportive Technical Assistance Center. The training focuses on best practices to stop bullying and to prevent bullying before it starts.

The Council for Exceptional Children addresses bullying of gifted children and those with disabilities because, as one researcher explains, “Differentness contributes to vulnerability.”

Grown-ups, talk to each other

Coulter’s language selection also can prompt a conversation among friends about using words like “retarded” and “retard.”

Concerned about how to respond if someone argues it’s OK to use the word? Quote this parent of a child with Down syndrome.

“People perpetuating negative, inaccurate and outdated stereotypes is the biggest barrier the National Down Syndrome Society faces in achieving acceptance and inclusion of people with Down syndrome,” says Julie Cevallos of NDSS. “Every person who thinks before they speak, teaches their children and respects people of all types is leading the way and helping every day.“

NDSS has posted a position paper on use of the “R” word and tweeted it after Coulter’s second tweet using the “R” word.

Read more about the “R“ word

Dad to Ann Coulter: Apologize!
Why Ann Coulter doesn't matter but words do
One mother's plea to stop use of the “R“ word