Home birth, without a midwife: Unassisted childbirth

Meet Amy, mom of four. Her last baby was born at home, which isn't unusual, until you learn that she had no medical attendant present — at all. Read on to learn why she and her husband chose that route and what their plans are for their next baby.

We were able to catch up with Amy and learn why she chose this method of birth and what they have planned this December.

Origins

SK: Tell me a little about yourself — where you grew up, where you live now?

Amy: I grew up in the small town of Harvard, Nebraska. I lived there my whole growing-up years and graduated high school there. Went to college in Norfolk, Nebraska at Nebraska Christian College for a semester and then got married and we have kind of moved all over Nebraska and for a brief stint in Kansas where my husband is from. Currently we live in Lincoln, Nebraska.

SK: Did you have any attachment parenting role models in your life as you were growing up?

Amy: Funny you ask. I have been trying to figure this one out a lot lately. I wouldn’t say yes per se — although my parents were pretty hands-on, they definitely weren’t AP. I think I had an older cousin who was probably my biggest role model in that department . I know that is where I saw breastfeeding from the light of “no big deal, when Baby is hungry it’s just something you do wherever you are.” I’m very thankful for that.

Despite not having a huge AP role model from an early age, I always wanted to be a mom, and for me I knew very specifically what kind of mom I wanted to be — how I wanted to care for my children; I guess it was just instinctual more than anything. No one had shown me but also no one had taken that away, if that makes sense.

SK: When did you meet your husband? How did you know he was “the one“?

Amy: Austin was from Kansas but was going to school at Nebraska Christian College and needed a summer job. One of his good friends was going to work at a log home building business in my small town. We ate supper together a lot at their house as well as I worked at the grocery store and he often came in there.

He came back to work the following summer also and that is when he offered to fix the stereo in my car. I brought my car over for him to tinker with that night and after that we were pretty much inseparable. When I went off to college he quit his job, followed me — and the rest is history. We were engaged a month and three weeks later to the shock of our friends and family. And as far as how did I know, well, it’s cheesy but I just knew. I think when you know, you know.

SK: Did you both have similar philosophies when you began discussing having children, or did you both inspire one another as your children came along?

Amy: We discussed things a little but I don’t think you really know until you start having them. I think we just both feed off of each other. The one thing I did know was that I wanted to be there, to be physically present. I wanted parenting to be my main focus rather than a nine to five job. I didn’t want to miss one second of their little lives. And I didn’t want them to grow up with a babysitter who was closer to them than I was or feeling like they were constantly being shoved off with someone else.

Having babies

SK: What was your first birth like?

Amy: When it was time to choose a provider, the receptionist said, “Would you like to go with the midwife we have?” and I said, “Sure!” and that’s how it all began. I’m not sure I put much thought into that part but I remember being excited when I heard the term midwife and I vaguely knew what that was.

I ended up being induced on my son’s due date. It was of my own hounding that this came about not because of any medical necessity. I wasn’t where I am now and just didn’t think anything of it. Like many first-time moms, I was a frequent flyer saying, “Is this it? Is this labor?” I didn’t know it was OK and dandy to go after your due date.

I was very excited about the birth pool. My plan was to birth in water. Oh that tub was heavenly. It was a hard-sided Aqua Doula and the depth was amazing! I could go on and on about how it felt to be in there. Contractions slowed down so I ended up getting out so I could be hooked back up [to] the pit and that was kind of a trend… get hooked up, get them going and monitor, get unhooked, get back in the pool and relax. After some pushing in the water I ended up getting out and delivering him on land.

After two and a half hours of pushing, at just after midnight, , I met my little boy Kalel. He was 8 pounds, 2-1/2 ounces. Everyone seemed suprised at his size. I was so so happy! We have it on video and the first words out of my mouth are, “Oh yay! Now we can have another!” Of course everyone laughed but I was serious. I was a mom and I was hooked! Recovery was wonderful!

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SK: What changes did you make before your second was born? Did you go into that birth thinking that you would do things differently?

Amy: The one thing I really wanted to do differently was let my body and my baby work together to decide this baby’s birthday. I started to realize how important that is for me and for the process. I also drilled my husband about the fact that since epidural anesthesia was offered at this hospital I would probably at some point ask for it at the very end and his job was to talk me out of it. His job was to be strong when I didn’t have the strength to push on, or didn’t think I did — I believe my exact words were, “Don’t let me get drugs or I will kick you in the face!”

SK: Same question for your third.

Amy: During this pregnancy I became enveloped in the birth world. I needed to know things, I needed to learn things, I wanted to eat, sleep and breathe pregnancy and birth. I read many, many books, I spent time on the computer. I prayed a lot about this birth and this baby. My husband and I joked often about just “accidentally” having the baby ourselves but never could wrap our minds about it enough to follow through with it. I daydreamed about it. I daydreamed about having this baby in a tent by the lake even.

Home birth in Nebraska

SK: Is home birth in Nebraska legal?

Amy: Yes, home birth is legal in Nebraska, contrary to popular belief. Assistance by a certified nurse midwife during a home birth is Illegal. Certified professional midwives aren’t recognized in Nebraska. And physicians are barred from attending home births by the hospitals who hire them and set their limitations. But yes, home birth in and of itself is perfectly legal.

SK: When did you begin to consider the idea of an unassisted home birth?

Amy: We honestly considered it with our third child but just never could make up our minds to actually do it. After her birth I delved into finding people, especially people in my own little state that I could hound with every sort of question that ever crossed my mind. I wanted to hear stories of people who had done it. I read books. I met people in other states who had planned and carried out home births, specifically unassisted.

SK: Who did you tell about your plans?

Amy: Honestly very few people. We kept it on a need-to-know basis. I did tell my doctor that I planned to stay home as long as possible and if that meant the whole thing then so be it. I think he didn’t take me seriously. I think he rather thought I meant, “Well I’m going to stay home until I’m really, really dilated, not through pushing... with sort of a pipe dream and no preparations for actually staying home.”

Preparations and plans

SK: What preparations did you make in the months preceding his birth?

Amy: I did self prenatal care and then saw a doctor after 30 weeks of pregnancy when I knew exactly what we were doing. We had an ultrasound at that point. I ended up nabbing a newborn scale, and a stethoscope at a garage sale when we were in the beginning stages of planning for our home birth. I also got a birth kit. It included things like umbilical cord clamps, chux pads, measuring tape, some tinctures for hemorrhaging and such, just all sorts of things.

I did lots of research. I did a lot of looking into what do you do if this happens? What do you do if that happens? What constitutes a real emergency? What is normal, physiological birth so that I can tell if mine is deviating from the norm? I also borrowed a birthing pool from a friend who had a birth a couple months prior.

SK: Did you have a back-up plan in case of an emergency?

Amy: The ultimate back-up plan was “go in” — we lived four blocks from the hospital, with the idea of taking a bite out of my own placenta, cord, or membranes should bleeding arise. I also had the tinctures on hand. But like I said, the ultimate plan was always go in, that’s what hospitals are for — emergencies. I am in no way anti-hospital.

My perspective is that if the situation warrants it, I want a doctor who is available — not helping someone who doesn’t need help, or overtired because he spent all night with a mom who didn’t need his help. So I sought to be that person, to show him the same respect of not coming in and wasting his time unless it was necessary. I love them and they are good at what they do — I just don’t feel they need to do their thing until it’s necessary.

SK: How did you prepare yourself for recognizing an emergency?

Amy: I think it is instinctual as well as physiological. I think if you take time to listen to your body it will let you know if something is wrong. I feel like it’s important to know what normal is, or variations of normal so that you know what “not normal” is. I prayed a lot, I thought a lot, I daydreamed a lot. I also listened to Baby’s heartbeat with the stethoscope during labor. I also just have this huge deep-down belief that when you don’t mess with the process, it is less likely to go awry. We are intricately and wonderfully made and I believe that includes this process, the giving of life.

My main concern was hemorrhage. So I did a lot of reading about that. Most helpful were Dr. Michel Odent’s thoughts on the whole idea and just birth itself. That reassured me a lot. I didn’t want to just leave it with, “What do I do if it happens” — but even further how can I prevent it from happening?

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Tranden’s birth day

SK: What were your older kids doing during your labor?

Amy: They were wonderful. They fell asleep on the bed watching their movie while I labored in the tub nearby. My daughter actually woke up, got in, rubbed my back and poured water on me. Then was done, got out and went right back to sleep on the bed with her brothers. It could not have went any more smoothly! It was such peace of mind for me to know they were right where they should be — not off with someone else when such a huge event was happening in their lives, in their family.

SK: What tools did you use for pain management during labor?

Amy: I used a birth ball for a while, the pool was the big thing, and my husband did some counter pressure when I needed it. Mainly this time my comfort was in being left alone and having the lights very low and the warm temperature. My husband was always in the same room but for the most part left me alone, like I had asked.

SK: How big of a help was your husband?

Amy: He was amazing. Very hands off like I wanted and never second guessing. He was present but not in the way. Family birth was just what we needed.

SK: How did you know you were doing the right thing by having your baby at home, unassisted?

Amy: I prayed and prayed and prayed — this is not something you go into lightly. I could not imagine it any other way. It was what I need and what Tranden needed. I felt this still small voice saying, “This is the way, walk in it.” I feel like it is individual each and every time and each time deserves all the care in the world. I also feel like it’s important to know that just because it was right for this time does not mean that it will always be right for every birth. It just was and we knew it. And I’m very thankful for that.

We were also at a place in our lives where we felt like we needed to take full responsibility, that this was our birth and our baby and ultimately we would have to live with the choices we made whether it be another hospital birth or a family only home birth.

SK: Did you ever question your decision?

Amy: Not really. I think we did all of our real questioning during the previous pregnancy. This time was right. I did waver once in awhile... “What will friends and family think? How will our community react?” But that is when I had my husband reminding me of what I told him was important and the reasons we decided this was our best option. I also didn’t want other's opinions as well-meaning or fear based or wherever they came from to dictate how our baby was welcomed into this life.

SK: How did you know when it was time to push?

Amy: I checked myself during pregnancy and labor. Looking back I don’t feel that was necessary but at the time it’s what I did. Really, you will push when your body says push and your body isn’t going to lead you wrong. It’s kind of crass but like, well, how do you know when to push when you are having a bowel movement? Because it’s right there and you just do. If it’s not time, you won’t waste your effort trying to make it happen.

It just is another physiological process that works, this time you just get something way cuter out of it! I also know women who never feel the urge to push and the contractions do all the work. In all reality the baby is going to come out, whether you push or not. I think in some aspects it’s simpler than we make it out to be.

SK: What was your baby like when he was born? How did you feel?

Amy: He came out in the caul. It was funny because during transition, I just kept thinking, “Well, if the water breaks, then I’ll really know it’s time.” And then I’d check myself with, “It is working, you checked yourself, you know Baby is coming.” So he was born in the caul with his little hand up on his forehead, sunny side up. It was so neat. And I finally got my water birth. There was no me leaving that pool, that is for sure!

The bag broke as his shoulders emerged and I grabbed him right up. He was pink as can be. I remember his arms were flailing and he came out crying. He was raring to go. It was the most amazing feeling ever, and yes I thought that with each of my births but this one was so different. No one telling me how to feel or what to do or that something was inadequate. It was even better than I could have ever asked for and imagined! I remember the first thing my husband said was, “What is it? What is it?” And I said, “I don’t care.” I was just so excited to see my baby. Tranden Excalibur was born. He was 7 pounds, 9 ounces. And all of the kids were snoozin’ on the bed while he made his entrance.

SK: Were there any complications at all?

Amy: Nope. I believe it was the first time I had had a truly physiological birth, and an unmanaged third stage. The placenta plopped out within five minutes and we carried on with life.

SK: When did you have him checked over by a medical care professional, if you did at all?

Amy: I didn't have myself checked, but we took him in two weeks later. We were told by the clinic to wait until we had his birth certificate back. Really the only reason we took him in was because in Nebraska it is mandatory to have the PKU done, there are no waivers — religious or otherwise.

On to the next baby

SK: Now that you’re pregnant with your fifth child, what are your plans for this next birth?

Amy: As of right now we are planning to have a baby at home in front of our Christmas tree. I am so excited and feel so blessed that God would let me carry and birth another child. How do I get to be so lucky? It never ceases to be miraculous. I just hope the kids get to witness it this time.

SK: Do you have hopes that in the future, a midwife-assisted home birth will be legal in Nebraska?

Amy: Yes, I do. I think it will be a while but as of right now we are one of only two states that don’t allow midwives to attend home births so I do believe our time is coming.

SK: Is there anything being done to attempt to change the law? If so, what?

Amy: Nebraska Friends of Midwives is an organization attempting to help get laws changed. They are a grassroots group that is working hard to push Nebraska legislation in the right direction. They have been around for years and aren’t going anywhere, that is for sure.

SK: What would you say to a mom considering having an unassisted home birth?

Amy: Follow your heart, pray about it and find others who are on that same path. You would be surprised at how normal it is. It is definitely not a new idea, or a movement, as some people think. Know why you are doing it — at some time you will probably be asked to explain it to someone. Know your body and your baby are intelligent and you were made to do this! You can birth your baby with or without assistance.

More on home birth

Home birthing celebrities
Home birth: Is it right for you?
Why I chose home birth